summersgate: (eggshells)
[personal profile] summersgate
Life recently has been:
Feeling anger at liars and addicts and how they make life difficult for the rest of us.
Working at letting go of anger and trying to understand.
Driving long distances with Dave to funerals or family visits.
Keeping up with the animals we have - making sure the cats are fed everyday, the cat litter is cleaned, the dog is fed and cared for, the bird feeders outside are filled, and Yoshi! (silent lizard in a glass box - easy to forget).
Bills are paid, mail looked at.
Tried to get the car inspected before yesterday - now it is illegal to drive it.
Wishing I could sleep a full night so I won't be so tired all day. I am happy if I can make it till 5 - even 4 looks good.
Finding proper foods to eat - not doing very good at that - my breakfast that I am eating as I write this is what is left in the bottom of a bag of SunChips. I long for apple pie.
Talking to people - minimizing my feelings, watching my words and guarding myself - very tiring.

Yesterday we took Andy with us to State College rather than leaving him in his box at home (with the grandkids coming over after school to let him out). He likes car rides and I almost think the excitement of riding in the car tires him out as much as a big run in the woods would. We needed to take along his travel box and put him in it while we were inside talking to Dave's family and when we ate in a restaurant but most of the day he got to sit in the backseat watching for things (at one point 6 deer ran across the road in front of the car and Andy saw them!), sniffing the air from the window or leaning his head on our shoulders. The day was very rainy. Driving at 70 mph in heavy rain on an interstate highway (or driving at less than 70 with everyone around you passing you at 70) is stressful. There was a place when we got to the top of a mountain nearing State College where there was thick fog - actually I think what happened is we got up into the cloud layer that was raining on us before cause the rain seemed to stop then. Difficult driving - good to get home and finally relax last night. I'm hoping we won't have to deal with any more of the problems that Dave's brother left behind (for a few weeks) and maybe we can get back to a normal life again - work through the grief of losing him without other issues.

Date: 2017-04-01 12:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*hugs*. Glad you had a safe journey; hope things get easier for you both.

Date: 2017-04-01 12:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks. It will be good to have things settle down.

Date: 2017-04-01 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's stressful driving in the rain. Glad you got home safely and Andy enjoyed the ride. It can be hard dealing with issues and trying hard not to affect you.
Hope that you can nap this afternoon and get a good night's sleep tonight.

Date: 2017-04-01 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Feels sometimes like life is assaulting us. Today is a quiet day though and that is good.

Date: 2017-04-01 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Driving in the rain IS very stressful

Date: 2017-04-01 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Good to get home and get warm and dry. Even in a car it felt wet through and through yesterday.

Enjoy the small moments and things you enjoy.

Date: 2017-04-01 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Feeling anger and loss at the same time (for the same person) must cause such an internal struggle. Allow your self time and the space to forgiveā€¦to let go so you can focus on all the things you love.
No one knows your struggles like you. Know that you are always doing the best you can at any given time.
Love yourself.
Stay strong.
From: [identity profile]
Death brings up a lot of emotions and fears. And I guess the fears are making this person lie about things - making it hard for others.

Date: 2017-04-02 04:09 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-04-02 05:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You are dealing with all sorts of stuff. I do hope you can get back to that normal life, or at least a semblance of. Sending a big hug your way.

Date: 2017-04-02 09:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Driving in the rain would have been very stressful!

I think taking Andy was a good idea. Humans like drives, why wouldn't Andy, too? And he wouldn't like being ignored for days on end.

I'm glad you have a quiet day at last. I think with your sleep issues maybe a nap during the day might be the best way to tackle it.

Date: 2017-04-02 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hugs to you. Such a lot of bad things all at once should not happen. At least Andy had fun and was a good boy.


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