summersgate: (Default)


I found the bottom one on the dining room table early in the morning as I was cleaning it off - yes - I need something to combat the fear. Love others, love myself. Concentrate on love and not fear.

The top one was the fortune I got at the Chinese buffet when Dave and I had lunch there. Seemed apt. I do need to accept this cancer, this heart condition - then I can do something about it. Or find a way to live with it. Find a way to manage it and put it on the sidelines.

The middle one was Dave's from lunch. It seemed to apply too. After eating we were heading over to look at chicken coops at Tractor and Supply. We have decided that we need to continue on as best we can, even unsure of the future. I want chickens, he wants a shed, we both want a driveway. We can pursue those things.

Today looked like a nice day to start but it is getting darker as the day goes on. Will probably rain. It is nearly 70F. I went to OA this morning - that was good. But ever since I got back home all I have wanted to do is be up for short periods and then back to bed. Very unmotivated...

I think posting photos on dreamwidth is much more time consuming than it is on LJ - it's so easy on LJ. Hopefully I have succeeded with this posting but I don't think I will bother with cross-posting from DW in the future - unless I have to.

my day

Jan. 18th, 2017 08:38 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
As the day went on things started to seem a lot better. Even though I was ready to give up on my laptop and start grieving its loss Johnny wasn't, and he tried new things with it today. He quit using the recovery discs I had made for it and instead installed Windows 10. Not something I wanted to do - I like Windows 7 and didn't want to learn a new thing but as the day went on I got myself ready for a new adventure. Hopefully that is the answer. So far so good - we are still loading my files back into it.

Crocheted a while. That was calming. Went through the Christmas cards and made sure the return addresses matched the ones in our address book. Some of Dave's nieces and nephews moved to new houses last year. Did some business book work in preparation for figuring out state sales tax. Helped Johnny make templates and cut material for the chairs that he is reupholstering. Walked down to the creek and to the lake with Dave and Andy as dusk was falling. Made part of our dinner - the raviolis and green beans, while Dave grilled salmon. So all in all a productive day in spite of the blaas.

And now David Z is coming so Johnny can look at his old computer - to advise him if it can be saved...
summersgate: (eggshells)
Woke up feeling out of pace with the world. I was surprised to see the mailman cause it felt to me like it was Sunday. Feeling like I might have lost my past - the laptop isn't working at all now. Thinking thoughts of giving up and letting go. Is that what the universe wants me to do? I have things I could do. Taxes, business book work, the basement always awaits, jewelry that could be made - but nothing I *want* to do. Tarot cards and drawing are dead. Raining. Hazel slept last night in my studio bed so I don't have that space to retreat to. Dave tells me that they have named a species of moth after Trump. I just can not understand how I can dislike and be repulsed by a person so much and there are other people who love him so much. The way people can perceive things so differently in this world is such a mystery. Though I do believe it can be made better only by trying to put myself in other's shoes - by trying to see the similarities, rather than the differences. Unless he truly is the AntiChrist - then what?


Milo knows what to do. Posting this with my tablet. Playing around. Not sure how to get the right size of picture.

sunday

May. 15th, 2016 12:38 pm
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Raining today. Snow now and then.

Blaa. But it's not the weather - the snow is actually beautiful as it slowly falls - like a curtain moving to the side as it falls. Blaa because I just feel blaa today.

Going to the memorial service for Sally later this afternoon. Going to wear a sweater that she gave me a few years ago. It always makes me feel good when I see Chloe wearing something that once was worn by mom.

I got a camping hammock with built-in mosquito net in the mail yesterday - looking forward to good weather to try it out. We made the decision to get a larger tent and use that for this summer's camping rather than put money into a popup camper. They have tents now that are "instant" - they have the poles built right into them - kind of like a big umbrella that you can open and lock into place. I want to give one a try.

Trying to stay in-tune with my eating and my stomach right now. Not overeat - not eat to stuffed fullness. Leave food on my plate if that is the right thing to do - I could always save the food for later if that seems proper. Trying to decipher exactly what I am hungry for. Not let sweets put themselves forward to the exclusion of other foods.

I have had a strange kind of headache for 3 days now. It feels like the hair right behind my left ear is being painfully pulled every once in a while. When I touch that area the skin right on the surface feels very tender and tingly. The first day it started I had phantom tickle feelings on my upper lip too. I've had this before but it's been awhile. Maybe it is the nerve pain that makes me feel blaa.

being me

Mar. 28th, 2016 07:45 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
It is hard for me to believe that others have all these conflicting feelings in them cause people just don't talk about it that much. One minute I am elated with my life, my husband, my pets, my family, my "job", my friends, my life outdoors, my body. Life is good, there is hope, things are getting better, and better. It's amazing - things are so GOOD. A few hours later - doom, death, gloom and hopelessness. And nothing outside me has changed - it's only changed inside me. Sometimes I get so sick of being me. Right now, this moment - it's good though...

I have slowed down on a lot of my old interests. It used to be that jewelry designing, art and writing were the biggest things in my life. Candy asked me about it today and it got me thinking. Back when I was taking care of mom and I needed to have my life so scheduled I treasured my creative time - it was so precious. I only went out a couple times a week - for a few hours at a time. The way I "got away" was by doing art and creating. Now that I can get away physically I don't have the need to get away creatively so much.

Dreaming about summer and looking forward to cleaning up the back porch for a new season. How nice it will be to get up early with the sun slanting across the yard - going out in just pj's and slippers, lighting a stick of incense and writing in my journal as the world wakes up, with a cup of coffee (and Andy!) for company. Watching the progress of the morning glory vines. And I'm sure the wrens will nest in the gourds again too - something to keep track of.

Wrote this while I was passing time and copying new music into my laptop. Now I have Karen Dalton "Cotton Eyed Joe", Ryan Adams and the Cardinals "Cold Roses" and Ryan Adams "29" added to the mix.

#8-3-28-16
I will soon be moving into Everything Book #8.

magic

Mar. 25th, 2016 02:46 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
basement-3-25-16
That table in the middle needs to become clear and useful and all that stuff around it needs gone.

Oh, how I wish there was some kind of a magic pill I could take that would inspire me to work at this. Or a magic wand to wave to get-er-done. Thinking - maybe if I take a before photo and then later I can take an after photo - that might inspire me - sometimes that works.

What I really wanted to do today was take the grandboys for a big walk - a huge walk. But the weather just isn't good for that today - very cold and dark. Looks like it's going to rain any minute. Which leaves me with what I *should* do.

The closest thing to a magic pill is a cup of coffee - it's brewing right now...
summersgate: (studio pix)
jumble-bluebirds
Worktable jumble.

I got the 5 bluebirds finished this afternoon. Now I will wait and see which one the customer likes the best. The others will be made into pendants eventually.

~
I have fallen by the wayside in doing the 365 writing prompts project. Yesterday I was supposed to write about "an issue I care about" and I also skipped the one on the 3rd that was supposed to be about "something I heard a friend say". Today it is supposed to be "country field". I think this is probably due to winter doldrums. Every single year, no matter how I try to get out and be active and get light or sun or whatever it is I need more of during the winter I start to get dull and want to not do anything. I wish I could just read or watch TV and do nothing more than that. I dragged my feet terribly with enameling these bluebirds. And the weather isn't even bad - it was a beautiful day today - Dave and I walked the dog on the bike trail but I still feel very blaa creatively. I'm going to work on the taxes now - that about fits my mood.
summersgate: (eggshells)
1661ANewBeginning-hand.sm
"A New Beginning" pendant - sterling, aqua blue chalcedony and brass turtles Listing HERE

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up?
The endless times a day that I check my email and LJ to see if there is anything new and then sometimes look in on FB too - which is the ultimate in time wasting.

The dentist took me in this morning to do an quick emergency filling and we talked about some other major work that I have put off for a long time. I have a cleaning and checkup in January so we can wait a bit longer to talk about it in depth and see how much it will cost then. I dread it so. The money and the ordeal. Blaa.
summersgate: (eggshells)
1644MorningStar-hand4x4
"Morning Star" pendant - sterling, carved bone and faceted CZ star Listing HERE

Etsy-A-Day done now - I guess I have to go over to the garage with Dave now - blaa. But at least I have someone to sort through that old stuff with - so yay!

friday

Apr. 17th, 2015 10:42 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
1610ComingOutOfTheDark-hand4x4
"Coming out of the Dark" pendant - sterling, druzy chalcedony, black onyx Listing HERE

Another pendant that I made before I went on vacation last month.

A damp morning - I think it has quit raining though.

I think I have done enough etsyizing today - I relisted 6 bracelets too but changed the listings so I am only selling the one I have on hand here - no more "made to size" options. Now I guess it is time to NetPositive! (blaa).

What I would really like to do today is get a rack for the back of my bike so I can carry more stuff on it. I have a bag on the front of the bike but it is stuffed full of things for long bike rides like tools and first aid stuff and granola bars for the grandkids and if I wanted to do something like go to the little local store I couldn't carry anything more in it. I might drive into town later to the bike shop and see if they have one that will fit my bike. Or I just got an idea - put the metal wire basket back on my old bike and use it for local shopping trips to the little country gas station store down the road - I need coffee creamer right now - that is what has got me itchy to get out of here in the first place. Decisions and choices...

Oh - and a bullet bell update. I made a whole bunch of them yesterday in yellow brass and nickel plated brass - these in the photo and other ones not shown that I am sending as gifts to my sister and her family. It is my fun thing to do right now. Not sure if "bullet bells" will sell but I am excited about giving them as gifts. I do love their sound a lot. I have an idea to make a string of them to hang in a doorway using about 6 or 7 of them - that would be cool!

bullet-bells-4-17-15
summersgate: (studio pix)
silver-pile-1-18-15
Stuff I finished today - it's been a while in the making though. I don't *feel* very creative (just very blaa) but I am creating I guess. What would I have to DO to feel I have done enough? I think I want to express something. Making jewelry is creative but not expressive, exactly.

Johnny left today to go back to college. The house feels emptier - there is definitely a hole. Back to just Dave and me again.
summersgate: (eggshells)
a-terribly-dreary-day-1-3-15

I took this photo mainly cause I wanted to catch the mist that the cars trail behind them as they swish along the highway out front.

Dangerous freezing rain this morning - I think it has changed to just normal rain now.

I'm been limping along with my injured hand - using it, getting things done, but it's clumsy.

Johnny just came in and asked, how about we go down to work on the basement at 4? Okay...

life

Dec. 5th, 2014 08:03 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
I went to the dentist yesterday and even though they were all very nice people and kind to me I got my mind into the place of not being good enough. My teeth aren't good enough (they aren't), my personality isn't good enough (don't know how to act with new people), not good enough as a person (not kind enough or caring enough) - I say really stupid (truthful) things - don't know how to make small talk and "be friendly". It did hurt quite a bit to have my teeth cleaned. As I was leaving the receptionist said something like, that wasn't so bad was it? And I had to say, well, it did hurt and I just don't ever like people doing things in my mouth. Why couldn't I just say that the dental hygienist did a great job and be done with it? She was trying her best to not hurt me I'm sure and I liked her as a person but still, I guess I have sensitive teeth (I do!). They still hurt today from the cleaning yesterday. Then after I said that I could see the dental hygienist's feelings were hurt. I hate hurting people's feelings! One of the reasons I don't like social events - there are more chances of hurting feelings. I came home and went to bed. It's hard to face the world. I have to go back in 2 weeks and will probably say more stupid things from nervousness. I'm going to try to forget about it till then.

friday

Nov. 7th, 2014 09:38 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
winters-gate-11-7-14
out my front window just now (too bad there is no horse in view - would have been better with a horse)

It's snowing today - our first snow of the season. Though I don't think it will stick at all. Very "sleety".

I just don't like the fact that many times things that I ship overseas get lost. They go to customs and disappear. I have no control over it - unless I want to charge a huge amount for shipping with insurance added on and I don't want to do that. So I have decided that I'm going to give up my overseas sales. And while I was undoing those options in my etsy shop I decided I would switch to priority mail shipping within the USA instead of first class like I used to do - faster and insurance is included. But now I have to go through 150 listings and change a phrase that used to be in each one about my shipping plans. Blaa - very time consuming. Taking a little break from that at the moment. Thank goodness for music in the background to pass the time.

blaa

Apr. 15th, 2013 09:47 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
tangled1
tangled - dead tree in the cemetery this morning

Not feeling very well. Went to PT today and it was rough - I was totally exhausted afterwards. I walked this morning with the same folks I had walked last week with up in Rocky Grove (lots of hills and over to the cemetery) but this time one of them walked with me instead of racing ahead of me so that was nice but as we were walking I had a visual migraine and after that I never really felt good the rest of the day. Feeling very fuzzy with a mild headache. The point of the PT seems to be to move my arm as far as I can and then try to relax and move it a bit farther - all the while trying to pull my shoulder down cause it has a tendency to want to hike up when I use that arm. It is hard! I have PT again tomorrow. Think I will get to bed early tonight...
summersgate: (Default)
Sebby is home sick from school (and I need to be with him) and Jill is sick too and can't come, so I am home all day and missing art group. It's back to being gray overcast days again - just that one beautiful bright day yesterday.


sebby - playing angry birds on my ipod touch

He is a very sweet kid - the artist of the 3 grandboys. Likes his hair long and unkempt. He revels in shoes falling off, socks and pants falling down, not caring how he looks - right now he is wearing that half glove on his right hand all the time - it's his signature look. And his wooden snake is always by his side. Like an absent minded professor. Usually I can't get his photo as he hides when he sees the camera coming but I snuck this in.


lilypods as seen though the screen of the front window

Blaa - gray, gray, gray. I need to generate some excitement for my day. Right now I'm sitting with mom in her room as she drinks her morning hot chocolate. Not doing so well with drinking lately. It's like she has forgotten how to swallow. The drink goes up the straw into her mouth but no farther. You can lead a dementia patient to water (and put a straw in their mouth) but you can't make them swallow. I am making jello more often and feeding it to her - that helps to get more fluids in her...

Later - maybe play cards with Sebby. And some studio time I hope...
summersgate: (Default)
Sebby is home sick from school (and I need to be with him) and Jill is sick too and can't come, so I am home all day and missing art group. It's back to being gray overcast days again - just that one beautiful bright day yesterday.


sebby - playing angry birds on my ipod touch

He is a very sweet kid - the artist of the 3 grandboys. Likes his hair long and unkempt. He revels in shoes falling off, socks and pants falling down, not caring how he looks - right now he is wearing that half glove on his right hand all the time - it's his signature look. And his wooden snake is always by his side. Like an absent minded professor. Usually I can't get his photo as he hides when he sees the camera coming but I snuck this in.


lilypods as seen though the screen of the front window

Blaa - gray, gray, gray. I need to generate some excitement for my day. Right now I'm sitting with mom in her room as she drinks her morning hot chocolate. Not doing so well with drinking lately. It's like she has forgotten how to swallow. The drink goes up the straw into her mouth but no farther. You can lead a dementia patient to water (and put a straw in their mouth) but you can't make them swallow. I am making jello more often and feeding it to her - that helps to get more fluids in her...

Later - maybe play cards with Sebby. And some studio time I hope...
summersgate: (OPADI)

one photo a day inside - the last icicle left on the house after this warm spell - photographed through the front door

Well, I'm definitely sick with a cold now. Sore throat and sniffles. Blaa. Poor Rossy, he coughed all day long while he was here.
summersgate: (OPADI)

one photo a day inside - the last icicle left on the house after this warm spell - photographed through the front door

Well, I'm definitely sick with a cold now. Sore throat and sniffles. Blaa. Poor Rossy, he coughed all day long while he was here.
summersgate: (OPADI)

one photo a day inside - mom's chair

This is the second day in a row that I have had a "pajama day" - a day where I don't get dressed or go outside. I don't know what's going on but I am so tired that I just sleep every chance I get all day. As soon as I get mom back to bed for her naps, I'm in bed too. Mom has a cold, Roswell too (staying home from school with me today). Blaa...

I did get my sales tax work done last night - yay! And I will probably get my income tax stuff tallied today too. That's my focus for now and that's enough.

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