summersgate: (eggshells)
I write things here cause I like to read them later - or see pictures of where I have been - remember things - things that can be public.

jpopstudio-mug-left
More from Jenny Pope's studio.

I got this mug as a gift yesterday from Dave's niece Brandi. She said she just wanted to get me something to help me through, you know, the experience of cancer - something bright and cheerful. I didn't know much about her or her personality before this cause her dad, Dave's brother Bruce (who just died) divorced Brandi's mom a long time ago and I just didn't see his girls much after that (though Dave did). Came to find that she is an extraordinarily wonderful and thoughtful person (not just cause of this gift) but in so many other ways. She is the executor of the will and is handling everything in a gentle and kind way. There are problems (that I don't want to write about here) but she is handling everything so calmly and with sympathy.

Today is the day I see the oncologist. I still need to write down the questions I want to take with me. Thankfully the appointment is in the afternoon and I have the whole morning free. That feels very good. Yesterday Dave and I went back to State College again to help out with the will and dispersal of Bruce's things. Such a long day. Six hours of driving and then all the emotions while there. We both need a day to decompress after going.

I long for time to just sit in my studio making a new piece of jewelry. After looking at this mug I feel inspired to do something with butterflies. I long for bike rides and more hikes. I long for life to go back to what is was before. But for now I need to get a shower and then write down those questions. Maybe I will get a little time to work on jewelry after that...

I dreamed last night that [livejournal.com profile] zyzyly had found a little beagle dog with a cut on its forehead and wanted me to help hold it for him while he stitched the cut up. The dog was asleep or very groggy so it was easy to hold - I just needed to keep its head in the right position for him. He was very competent and quick with his stitching. Afterwards the dog was still groggy and I needed to hold it to keep it safe and still while it recovered. I imagine in the dream I am the beagle and Zyzyly represents the world of medicine. I am turning myself over to that world now and trusting.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Life recently has been:
Feeling anger at liars and addicts and how they make life difficult for the rest of us.
Working at letting go of anger and trying to understand.
Driving long distances with Dave to funerals or family visits.
Keeping up with the animals we have - making sure the cats are fed everyday, the cat litter is cleaned, the dog is fed and cared for, the bird feeders outside are filled, and Yoshi! (silent lizard in a glass box - easy to forget).
Bills are paid, mail looked at.
Tried to get the car inspected before yesterday - now it is illegal to drive it.
Wishing I could sleep a full night so I won't be so tired all day. I am happy if I can make it till 5 - even 4 looks good.
Finding proper foods to eat - not doing very good at that - my breakfast that I am eating as I write this is what is left in the bottom of a bag of SunChips. I long for apple pie.
Talking to people - minimizing my feelings, watching my words and guarding myself - very tiring.

Yesterday we took Andy with us to State College rather than leaving him in his box at home (with the grandkids coming over after school to let him out). He likes car rides and I almost think the excitement of riding in the car tires him out as much as a big run in the woods would. We needed to take along his travel box and put him in it while we were inside talking to Dave's family and when we ate in a restaurant but most of the day he got to sit in the backseat watching for things (at one point 6 deer ran across the road in front of the car and Andy saw them!), sniffing the air from the window or leaning his head on our shoulders. The day was very rainy. Driving at 70 mph in heavy rain on an interstate highway (or driving at less than 70 with everyone around you passing you at 70) is stressful. There was a place when we got to the top of a mountain nearing State College where there was thick fog - actually I think what happened is we got up into the cloud layer that was raining on us before cause the rain seemed to stop then. Difficult driving - good to get home and finally relax last night. I'm hoping we won't have to deal with any more of the problems that Dave's brother left behind (for a few weeks) and maybe we can get back to a normal life again - work through the grief of losing him without other issues.

wednesday

Mar. 29th, 2017 08:12 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
Nothing like a death in the family to distract from a cancer diagnosis! We have been very busy with lots of phone calls and then between phone calls trying to blank our minds, forget it all (or put it into some kind of order) and get some rest. One thing Dave and I did in the last few days was make a handwritten will (which is legal even if un-witnessed in PA) and make 3 copies of it, one for each of our kids. There are big problems with the will that Dave's brother wrote (part of the reason there are so many phone calls) and we do not want anything like that to happen when we die. I just this morning copied our will and put the copies into envelopes to give to the kids. It is bad enough dealing with grief without adding all kinds of drama. Today we will be busy with the funeral and tomorrow I see the surgeon - finally I will know more and hopefully learn the next step.

Here is a photo that I liked of Bruce. Taken a few years ago while on a fishing trip to the Atlantic with Dave and a friend. Bruce's beloved dog Maggie was still alive then - she went everywhere with him.

bruce-maggie-beach-smaller
If such a thing is true then they are together now.

PS - thank you all for your recent kind words and good wishes. I just haven't had many words lately.

ascendance

Apr. 26th, 2015 09:02 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
1611-Ascendance-hand4x5
"Ascendance" pendant - sterling, ocean jasper and amber Listing HERE

My day - made breakfast of blueberry pancakes for everyone. Dave's brother Bruce and his friend Mark spent the night after fishing with Dave all day yesterday. After they left I made a few more bullet bells then Chloe and her boyfriend Mike came for a visit this afternoon. Before dinner I worked for 90 minutes on NetPositive - which was good cause I have been avoiding it for a few days now. I made progress today with the bookshelves and that is encouraging. I have a big stack of books to give away too. Then after dinner I finished this pendant. That's it for me today - time to relax for the night.

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