summersgate: (eggshells)
I write things here cause I like to read them later - or see pictures of where I have been - remember things - things that can be public.

jpopstudio-mug-left
More from Jenny Pope's studio.

I got this mug as a gift yesterday from Dave's niece Brandi. She said she just wanted to get me something to help me through, you know, the experience of cancer - something bright and cheerful. I didn't know much about her or her personality before this cause her dad, Dave's brother Bruce (who just died) divorced Brandi's mom a long time ago and I just didn't see his girls much after that (though Dave did). Came to find that she is an extraordinarily wonderful and thoughtful person (not just cause of this gift) but in so many other ways. She is the executor of the will and is handling everything in a gentle and kind way. There are problems (that I don't want to write about here) but she is handling everything so calmly and with sympathy.

Today is the day I see the oncologist. I still need to write down the questions I want to take with me. Thankfully the appointment is in the afternoon and I have the whole morning free. That feels very good. Yesterday Dave and I went back to State College again to help out with the will and dispersal of Bruce's things. Such a long day. Six hours of driving and then all the emotions while there. We both need a day to decompress after going.

I long for time to just sit in my studio making a new piece of jewelry. After looking at this mug I feel inspired to do something with butterflies. I long for bike rides and more hikes. I long for life to go back to what is was before. But for now I need to get a shower and then write down those questions. Maybe I will get a little time to work on jewelry after that...

I dreamed last night that [livejournal.com profile] zyzyly had found a little beagle dog with a cut on its forehead and wanted me to help hold it for him while he stitched the cut up. The dog was asleep or very groggy so it was easy to hold - I just needed to keep its head in the right position for him. He was very competent and quick with his stitching. Afterwards the dog was still groggy and I needed to hold it to keep it safe and still while it recovered. I imagine in the dream I am the beagle and Zyzyly represents the world of medicine. I am turning myself over to that world now and trusting.

dream

Mar. 4th, 2017 07:47 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
Last night I had a dream where I was down by the goat shed and was coming back home when I saw a swarm of butterflies in a bush. I wanted to run home (we were still living in the parental homestead) to get my camera to get a photo. As I was going I saw a flock of ruby-throated hummingbirds circling overhead. First I was counting and it seemed like maybe 50 then 200, then 1000, then it was solid hummingbirds overhead. It looked like a reddish shimmery pancake floating in the sky. I got to the house and got the camera and came out and the neighbor (who in the dream lived in the house we live in now) was out in the yard with his tractor mowing the grass. The tractor was a giant sized farm tractor (very frightening) and the smoke and dust it was putting out was filling the world so the hummingbirds were gone and the butterflies had flown. I woke up disappointed.

Don't know what that means.

Just now looked up what a group of butterflies and flock of hummingbirds is called. A group of butterflies is officially called a kaleidoscope, although they are sometimes referred to as a swarm. Groups of caterpillars are called an army. Hummingbirds can be called a charm, a hovering or a troubling.

A skim of snow on the ground this morning.

Watched a really weird movie last night - so weird! It was called Swiss Army Man. I really loved the soundtrack and had to order the CD.
summersgate: (eggshells)
I feel like I am making a fresh start of things today. Today will be a day of domestic catch-up. There are baskets of clothes that need folded, overripe bananas that I will make into bread, partially made jewelry that is sitting on my worktable, the floors need vacuumed. I even had a dream last night that seems to mirror this - I dreamed that I was swimming in the creek with the grandkids and it was after a rain so the water was murky and high and running fast. I noticed that there were dead bodies of animals floating in the water and I was trying to watch out for them and avoid them. The kids got into a place where the water was running faster (in spite of my warnings) and they were taken away - there was nothing I could do. I started working my way back upstream to where we had gotten in and as I was going the water all drained away and the creek bed became exposed as dry and smooth as a road - perfectly clean now - the water took all the dead bodies with it. I had hopes that it was clearing downstream for the kids too. This dream makes me think about how we (I) can't protect (or control) young people very much. They refuse to be controlled or advised. I refused to be controlled or advised when I was young too. It is hard to accept that though - to let them go.

sylph

Jan. 6th, 2017 10:40 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-6-17-sylph
The card I looked at today featured a sylph. Invisible creature of the air. Made of air. Light and above it all.

I got up late today. Both Dave and I slept in. Usually I get up around 5 or 6, while Dave is still sleeping, go out into the dark of the kitchen with a flashlight (don't want to wake Dave or Andy yet) and start the coffee pot, come back to my room with my coffee and do my morning meditations with a small table light and a candle burning. This morning I got up (the sun was shining) and started the coffee pot but then went outside and filled the bird feeders, and the suet feeders. There is a fresh coat of thin snow on everything. I was wearing sandals and my feet were touched by the cold snow. A bright clean world today.

I dreamed last night about a place near town that only exists in my dreams. You go across a bridge and on the other side of the river is a wide grassy expanse and then you walk back towards the hills to a stream that you follow into the hills. It is always beautiful there with huge boulders and fields, winding streams, paths to follow and it finally leads to a lake shore. I usually go by myself to this place but in the dream I was taking Dave there for the first time. I was wearing my green pajamas (that I actually was wearing while I was sleeping) and was a little embarrassed when we came to a mansion house where a lot of people were gathered. They were there to fix it up and restore it. They didn't pay much attention to us. We were exploring the building and there were narrow hallways and stairways that you could hardly get through and building materials stacked all over the place. Someone that I used to go to school with (a popular girl I never liked much) had shoes that she was giving away and offered me a pair but I said I already had shoes - didn't need any - give them to someone who really did need them.

I woke up feeling good. I love dreams where I go to this place. It is always summer and "the golden hour" there. I'm sure I am feeling better now that Dave's biopsy is over, even though he won't get the results for 7 to 10 days. I am choosing to believe everything is fine and that this was just a test that will confirm that. If we find out later that it isn't, then it will be time to deal with that then.

gardening

Jan. 4th, 2017 09:16 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-4-17-medicinewoman-gardener
The card I got today was the Medicine Woman card from the American Indian tarot. A woman kneeling down and harvesting plants. But I changed it and had my woman planting plants - a gardener. A person beautifying the edges of a path. Something pleasant to look at and appreciate for passersby. Maybe that is what I try to do with the jewelry.

Had a couple dreams I can remember a little of. In one I had gone back to work at Polk and was working with a young very dedicated person. We went out on bedcheck and I was just looking at the people to see if they were sleeping or not (to change their diaper if they were awake) but she was checking everyone's diaper, sleeping or not. She found a lot more to do than I did so then I went back to help her change the diapers she had found. She made me feel like nothing I was doing was right - I was inadequate. Then I had another dream where Jill was giving me a bunch of narcotics that she didn't want anymore. I was going to give them to someone I knew that needed them. Mom and dad were there and questioning if it was a good idea for me to have narcotics in hand. I said it's okay - I don't have a problem with narcotics - I just have problem with food. But then Jill was showing me something on one of the bottles and it started to leak. Rather than let the liquid be wasted and lost I was drinking it all up - even though I really didn't want it. I was wondering if I should call in sick to work then cause it wouldn't be a good idea to drive (high on narcotics). My main thought when I woke up was - maybe I don't have a problem with food (or narcotics) - I have a problem with "waste". Don't want to see things wasted. Don't want to put things down and save them for later. Don't have faith that they will be there again someday. Feel it is my responsibility to put them in my body so they won't go to waste. The answer all comes back to balance and staying centered - not to be controlled by the fear of "waste" but be guided by my actual bodily needs.

Yesterday I made some really good potato/seafood soup. A big pot of it. Which will need (? - it has a need?) to be eaten now. Dave and Johnny also got all the stuff for sauerkraut so they will be eating that. The potato soup will be my responsibility. I'm thinking it is odd that I can get so concerned for the lonesome foods and my responsibility to them that they won't be wasted. Part of that is being a child of parents who went through the depression - waste not, want not. Wasting is a terrible sin.

Though - I get some of my best feelings from throwing old foods away. Looking at the dates on them (or the condition of them in the fridge) and knowing it is the right thing to get rid of them. My responsibility to them is over. Food can be such a burden.

On another subject - the sun just came out for a few moments after all the rain we have been having and I was able to catch it:
window-1-4-17
Not shining now though...
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-2-17-garden
The card I looked at called this a garden but I want to call it a maze - with a weird confusing statue in the middle. I dreamed last night that I was stuck down in the basement and trying to get upstairs. In place of a stairway was a set of shelves with knickknacks all over them. The lower ones had handles so you could use them for climbing but the upper ones didn't. I started up but found I couldn't continue and gave up. Stuck. Then I decided to just go outside, walk around the house and get upstairs that way. Problem solved (in the dream) - leave the problem. I can make it be so complicated and difficult sometimes...
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-22-16-skye-and-me-and-the-candle
This morning Skye wanted to sit right on my journal book and look at the candle with me. When it got very low she put extra attention on it and then when it died and a wisp of smoke came towards her she looked ready to run. She got a whiff of it and gave a jerk but stood her ground.

I had a weird dream last night that I can't understand. In the dream I had put Andy out back and I also had a baby that I laid out there on the porch with him. It was a very young baby - couldn't crawl yet. When I went back out in a few minutes to bring Andy back in the baby was gone. I had such a feeling of guilt but I didn't want to call the police. I felt like we could find it if we searched the yard. We couldn't find it though. It wasn't like Andy had eaten it but he hadn't guarded it like I thought he would. An old disheveled lady (or maybe it was a man) came into the yard and I questioned her to see if she had anything to do with taking the baby. I was convinced she hadn't but I just didn't want her there and ordered her away. She wouldn't go and I started to push her. She still wouldn't go so I just gave up and went back to the house. Jill was on the back porch smoking a cigarette and as I went by her she said don't worry, she would make sure the old lady left. I had gotten to the point that I was going to finally call the police but I knew then that I would be an object of ridicule and disgust for losing my baby this way.

This seems very far fetched but I think the baby (that I was supposed to take care of) might be my food abstinence. Yesterday I overate way too much. Johnny had brought home some baked goods. Today I really want to watch myself with food - have just 3 moderate meals. Seems like a strange meaning to ascribe to the dream but it's all I can come up with that is bothering me at this time.

Need to do some food shopping today or tomorrow so we can make Christmas Eve dinner for the family. Saturday night is the only time we can get everyone together here for festivities. Dave is making a ham and I will be doing the vegetables - 3 bean salad, mashed potatoes, apple sauce - and probably something else. I try to make lots of things that the vegans can eat. We will have 3 vegans, 1 pescetarian (me) and 5 meat eaters for this dinner.

tuesday

Dec. 13th, 2016 07:42 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-13-16-feet
Getting one's feet wet.

Here is the card that I looked at first - too much going on - so then I just narrowed in on the feet:
12-13-16-queen-of-cups-pearls-of-wisdom-deck
Queen of Cups from the Pearls of Wisdom deck.

I can relate to putting a toe in, getting one's feet wet. Wanting to make a change, try something new.

Dave did get the snow blower going yesterday and did Jules' driveway and ours, and made a path between the two houses. I shoveled the sidewalk and where the mailman would need to pull in to leave the mail. It's supposed to get much colder and the snow that is left will freeze hard into ice chunks.

I dreamed last night that I was at a mall with the kids and we had gone to a movie. It was after the movie and we were supposed to be picked up by my mom. There were 2 entrances to the mall movies though and I wasn't sure if she knew which one we would be at so we kept going back and forth through the mall to check. When I woke up I thought the fact that mom was the one picking us up was of interest. Dave and I went to Helen's funeral service yesterday. Mom and Helen had been very close all their lives. I probably wouldn't have gotten to know Helen much at all except that she was close to mom and I was taking care of mom in her last years so Helen started to take an interest in me too. I reciprocated and learned a lot about the family history though Helen. Of course going to a funeral puts you in a frame of mind about how fragile life is. I think the dream is about death coming to pick you up after the movie (life). You aren't sure when or where you will be picked up so you keep waiting and being watchful. Yesterday the priest referenced the Byrds (for some of us who might remember them) and the song, Turn! Turn! Turn! and then read from Ecclesiastes 3.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

I liked the priest. He had a good way about him and seemed like someone you could talk to about anything without negative judgements. A down-to-earth kind of guy.

It is interesting that it seems the older you are when you die the less people are at your funeral. All your contemporaries are gone (or if any are still alive then they are too weak to make it to the funeral). All that is left is your kids (if you had any), and maybe a few of their kids if they haven't scattered too far away.

thursday

Dec. 8th, 2016 10:22 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-8-16-seven-of-cups
Inspired by the Seven of Cups in the Thoth tarot. That card has the word "debauch" on it and is very busy with 7 flowers dripping into seven cups and they are all overflowing into a pool of water all broken up with drops falling into it. My interpretation of my feelings today is not that.

Yesterday morning I found out that I had a message on my phone from the day before. My cousin Helen's son had called to tell me that Helen wasn't doing well and she was nearing the end. I went to the nursing home to see her and found that she was as he said - unresponsive. Though I thought I did see some glimmerings of responsive when I told her I was there. It looked like her lips were dry and I got a little sponge on a stick and gave her some water with it - she sucked the water and licked her lips - so I know a bit of her consciousness was working. Her eyes never opened though. I was alone the whole time and at one point I thought I would look into her journal that was on the bedside stand. Back when she was still living in her own home she had showed me her journal so I thought she wouldn't mind. It was mainly all gibberish - made no sense. Though she had told me back then that she used code to write about certain people so they wouldn't be able to read what she was writing about them. So I don't know if this was her code or if she really was losing the ability to put thoughts together in these last months. The word "no" was used a lot. But one sentence at the top of a page separated from the gibberish words was very plain: SO - I AM STILL ON THIS EARTH!

Helen didn't like her roommate much - I already knew that. I could hear the roommate out in the hall begging someone to help me, help me, help me in a horrible whiny voice. I went out to check and she wanted someone to push her into the room. I said, okay, I can help you. Right then Helen let out a big yell and started to scream so I said to the roommate - sorry - I need to help Helen now and left her. As soon as Helen heard I was not going to bring the roommate in she calmed down. So I do think she has some consciousness - just not the ability to do very much with it - she is getting farther away now. But she knew she didn't want her serenity ruined by this whiny, constantly complaining self-centered woman. That is one thing about dying in a nursing home rather than your own home. Not nice.

Anyway.

I had a dream last night that I had fixed up my goat shed anew with couches, chairs, tables and beds - shelves on the walls to put art and trinkets and I built a big fireplace in the far wall. It was much bigger than before. I had invited people over for a get-together and it was really nice. But then, I found out that the goats were still alive and needed a home. I had no choice but try and make them welcome there. They were pooping all over and getting into things. I was cleaning out an old bucket that I had planted flowers in to make a water bucket for them. The goats weren't in very good shape and Gretta Goat had a sore on her head - I was wondering what kind of salve I had to put on it. I was up in the house when someone yelled, "There's a fire in the goatshed!" so I ran down to see. There really wasn't any danger - it was just a fire in the fireplace. But it was very hot in there and candles and things like that were melting. I stayed with it to make sure everything was okay till the fire died down. End of dream.

I have no idea where that dream came from or what it means.

wednesday

Dec. 7th, 2016 07:40 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-7-16-XIX-the-Sun-mine
The Sun - my version. It looked to me after I drew it that the flowers were telling the Sun their problems and the Sun was patiently listening to them. Maybe I need to work more at being a listener. Or maybe I need to talk to someone instead of holding things inside me?

Here is the card that inspired my drawing - not much like it really:
12-7-16-XIX-the-Sun
XIX - The Sun from the Mystic Dreamer Tarot deck.

I dreamed last night about little things living in the dark on rotten potatoes. The potatoes weren't supposed to be rotten but they were. The little creatures were like mice or something else small. I knew it wasn't a healthy environment for them but after looking in and checking on them I closed the lid on the box anyway. Then I felt guilty.

Anyway... It looks like it might be a nice day today. I should try and get out. Yesterday was a day of rain all day long but some sun is predicted for later today. It would be a shame to waste it.
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-5-16-#1-Magician-Motherpeace-tarot
Inspired by the Motherpeace round tarot deck. #1 - The Magician. I guess this means it would be a good idea to be more well balanced - equally be all the elements - fire, water, earth and air.

I dreamed last night that I was working at Polk (a local institute for the mentally retarded where I did once work) with Jill. (Jill was the person who used to help me with my mom at the end of mom's life - Jill died last summer - so hard to believe she is gone.) It was the end of our work shift (night shift) and it was time to get the residents up in the morning. This was my second day on the job and Jill thought I should be able to get the linen cart together by myself so she sent me back to get it. I brought it but I had forgotten a lot of things and I was running back to get them. I was trying to walk as fast as possible but there was something wrong with my legs. They were going too fast and getting too far out in front of me so I fell over backwards. I tried to slow them down and get them under me but I couldn't. I decided that I would have to start all over again from the beginning and get on my hands and knees like a baby to get up and get moving again. End of dream.

If there is anything that I need to start from the beginning I am thinking I will be remaking the little enameled rainbows over again - I just don't like how the colors turned out. I'm going to put the rainbow of colors in a different order next time. Instead of going from purple through to aqua, I will go from red to purple next time (have the blue, aqua, green and yellow colors in the middle flanked by purple and red.

A dark and overcast morning this morning - but at least the rain stopped. I walked with Candy. We didn't want to walk in the woods cause it is still hunting season so we walked on the bike trail to the River Ridge Farm gate and back - about 4.5 miles. When we got to the flats where the gate is there was a little path leading up a hill and we could see a lawn chair up there. There were no trespassing signs but I just wanted to see what was over the rise so we went up. There was a picturesque little lake that I had no idea was there before. Two photos. )

endurance

Dec. 4th, 2016 06:46 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-4-16-endurance-five-of-stones
Inspired by the Five of Stones from the Wildwood tarot. I guess it means that I have to wait out the long night - take some comfort in the spot of warmth in front of me.

Woke up at 4 am (again). Start the coffee pot, feed the cats their wet food, get my coffee and come to my room to sit at my table burning birthday candles and thinking/writing/drawing.

Dreamed last night that I was going out to dinner with Nancy (it was nighttime in the dream) and she was trying out a new wheelchair - it was electric. The sidewalks were icy and it started sliding - I was trying to hang onto it and put my feet on the back of it but my weight was making it go even more out of control. We were laughing but there was a danger of it going farther down a hill and into the woods. I got off and the slide stopped. She was driving back up the hill again but then she dropped the controller (it was like a TV controller). It flew up into the air and came back to her but she wasn't ready to catch it and it fell again. Then it flew up again, like a little fluttering bird. That was how it was designed - that if the person in the wheelchair was to drop it then it would find its way back to them. It kept fluttering back to her and bouncing off cause she wasn't ready to catch it. We laughed and laughed till finally she caught it - end of dream.

Dave went to bed early last night and I watched a couple episodes of Lost. I love that show. It seems so deep and many layered to me. I'm wondering if watching TV before bed (that show in particular) has anything to do with the wheelchair controller in the dream being like a TV remote control?

Dave shot a buck yesterday. There will be meat for him in the freezer this coming year. Maybe I will see a little more of him now.

I got the new torch yesterday and hooked it up to my old tank of mapp gas and it didn't work either. So I tried the new torch on a new tank and it worked. Then I tried my old torch on a new tank of gas and it worked too. So something was wrong with the tank - not the torch. The old tank is full of gas - you can feel it sloshing around in there so that isn't the problem - it must have an obstruction of some sort. That was stupid of me that I didn't try that first before I gave up and thought I needed a new torch. Well, anyway - maybe I will like this new torch too - it has an automatic lighter built into it.
summersgate: (eggshells)
12-3-16-King-of-Cups
King of Cups

The card today was from the Klimt deck. When I was drawing it started to remind me of my dad - he had an eyebrow that was raised like that. He could be the King of Cups - a sensitive man. I have been dreaming of both my mother and father and brother John a lot lately. Last night again. Being over in the old house next door back in the days when they were younger and strong. Not sure what the dream was about but they were there and I was with them. That was the flavor of the dream. I started reading the children's book, "The Brothers Lionheart" by Astrid Lindgren, before bed last night. The two young Lionheart brothers go to a place called Nangiyala after they die. The younger brother had been sick all his life and the older brother was kind and good and took care of him in life. In Nangiyala the younger brother (the narrator) is now healthy and strong too. Anyway - just thinking about heaven... It is a nice thought though I'm not sure I really can believe in it. It is nice to think I could see mom, dad and John again. But since I don't know - I can't believe, and that makes me sad. There is an undertone of sadness to life right now. Dreaming about them just makes it seem sadder.

Though I had another dream where I found and ordered the perfect set of gaiters. Then I woke up and realized I hadn't. Woke up disappointed and hopeful at the same time. Maybe I should get onto that now. Here's my choice.

tuesday

Nov. 15th, 2016 08:42 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
11-15-15-8-of-cups-3
Art-A-Day drawing of the 8 of Cups this morning. Leaving sorrow behind. In my version it looks like the person is trekking over icebergs in a frozen sea, though in the original it looked much more like rocks sticking up out of water. Time to leave coldness and isolation behind.

I really like how putting drawings through the Prisma app adds to and changes them. The one I used above is called "wave" - it's one of my favorites. 2 more versions done with Prisma HERE )

After being up for a few hours last evening I got back to sleep by midnight and slept good all night - which was surprising. I must have been very tired. I had some interesting dreams about addictions and peopled with persons I know with addictive personalities. I see them as a warning to myself - as I also have an addictive personality. In one I had to go to the restroom and she did also. I see going to the bathroom in dreams as getting rid of excess emotions. She went into one room and shut the door and I went into the other. I took the key from the door, left the door open and laid the key on the floor when I went back to the toilet. Since the door was open the cleaning crew thought they could come in and did. They were chiding me about losing the key but I said I didn't lose it - I knew right were it was and picked it up to show them. So I see this as a positive dream. I haven't lost the key to a sober/abstinent life. I only laid it down for a time.

Dave and I were talking about the birds we see at the bird feeder and I said I just don't see chickadees or blue jays anymore. He said that Niles virus has killed a lot of birds and I was sad. So then this morning I made a point of seeing exactly who was visiting the feeders and the first thing this morning there was a little flock of chickadees and then we were visited by 3 blue jays! So maybe it was just over the summer we didn't see those birds much and now that winter is coming on they are back to the feeder. I haven't been paying much attention to the feeder - it's just there and I keep it filled with sunflower seeds but I will watch it better now.

monday

Nov. 7th, 2016 08:00 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
skye-concentrating-11-7-16
Skye concentrating on the candle flame this morning.

I had some interesting dreams last night about fires in the earth, under the earth, things bursting up from the earth. Not scary but amazing and wonderful. Dave and I and some very young Japanese kids who had moved into the neighborhood were studying the phenomenon in the back yard. In another dream I was given the job of keeping a fire going in front of my old goat shed - it had been turned into a little school. The fire was being used to thaw something out that could be used magically or creatively. The fire was nearly out and I was having to restart it from scratch and was gathering twigs and papers and bringing limbs to stack up for after I got the fire going.

Going to have a busy day today. Candy and I are walking - probably at 2 Mile Run - and then I am going to Hazel's school with her so she can give me a facial. I have never had a facial in my life or put on makeup except when I was in junior high school and trying it out before deciding it wasn't for me. So this should be interesting - being in a spa atmosphere and surrounded by people who are into all that.

A sunny morning - clear sky and frost last night. I'm liking the time change in the morning - what it does for us - but not liking the early evenings at all. I think I went to bed at 9 last night just to escape the long darkness.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Usual morning routine:

Wake - try and remember dreams - go to the bathroom. Last night I had a dream about Andy - he was a tiny puppy (a stage we never got to see him in) and we were taking him home for the first time from Dave's brother and sister-in-law's place (not the place he really came from but in the dream they had been keeping him for us). I woke up feeling like a failure in the dream - like we will never get Andy trained. I post good things about him here on LJ (I love him!) but he has a lot of bad traits. Dave has ordered an E-collar (nice name for a modern shock collar). It does more than an old fashioned shock collar though. It will make a beep, a buzz (vibrate) and you can set the level of shock from a small tingle upward in 10 increments. We are both hoping that as he gets used to it that it will just need the little beep or buzz to get his attention - that's the way it is supposed to work - not as a punishment but as a training tool to get his attention. He's not a calm dog at all. A shock collar will not make him calm - I know that - but it might make him behave better so we can take him for walks as he grows up to become naturally calmer. That's the hope. He has got it into his head that walks are for jumping up and biting our hands and for trying to get the leash out of our hands. He thinks it is a big game and when we yell at him to stop or hold him so he can't do it it is all part of the game - he calms for a second but starts it up all over again. He is not "bad" or mean - just too playful and too rough when he plays at this "game" of get the leash. It has become impossible to walk him. And that is sad - something has to be done. I suppose we need the help of a trainer but the one we first went to did not work out - it's a problem that needs solved.

Toddle out to the kitchen, let Andy out of his cage and make coffee.

Get on the computer and start reading stuff - emails and LJ and if it is Sunday morning, like today, I look forward to reading PostSecret.

Drink coffee.

Make breakfast - today peanut better on toast with a banana on top. Take pills.

Write in my paper journal. Date it and write plans for the day - record dreams and worries.

Brush teeth, wash face and dress for the day.

Onward!

Today looks like a wonderful sunny day. Maybe I can get Dave interested in a bike ride. There is a 4 mile rail trail near Lucinda that we have never been on and it is kind of near Clarion so we could take Johnny's mail to him too...
summersgate: (eggshells)
Andy likes to be doing something most all the time. So to keep him off my back I have devised a game where I put toys on his back and then he keeps busy trying to remove them. Yesterday I had an old pair of underwear that needed to be thrown out so I gave them to Andy first. Soon the only thing left was the elastic - which I use to tie around his waist, then I can add the toys. As soon as they are all off he brings them to me to put back on.

andy-toys-10-6-16

I did get the tent taken down yesterday. Dave helped - which I didn't expect but it sure was welcome. He is a much more thorough person than I am - basically I think I am lazy (in certain ways) - I don't think I would have done such a good job without him. There is a flap on the front of the tent that goes all around the bottom of the screened porch - it had been covered with fallen hemlock leaves all summer and needed dried and the rotted leaves and dirt removed. He was a big help in brushing that off, then we moved the tent to a new place in the sun so it could dry more and we could brush it off again. I think the tent will be able to last another year. Everything safely stored in the basement now. A couple goodbye tent photos. )

I had a follow up dream last night that related to my dream of the night before. In this dream the police had come during the night and put up a gate in the driveway so I could control who and what went in and out - to prevent people from stealing my stuff again. I still don't understand the images from these dreams but because I am remembering them so strongly they must mean something.

I drove Hazel to school this morning in Meadville. This is the one day of the week that she has no ride with a fellow student. The drive was pretty with dawn skies and autumn colors barely starting. Autumn is late this year - no frost so far.
summersgate: (eggshells)
...I can become easily distracted.

I had a dream last night that my tent was stolen. I had already planned on taking it down today - I feel like I have really been pushing it by leaving it up so long. In the dream someone came in the night and loaded it onto a trailer with everything in it (as if it could be picked up in one piece) and drove away. I could have jumped in the car to chase them down but I didn't. For some reason in the dream I hesitated calling the police and then felt I needed to tell my father about it before I called the police. He was sleeping in bed but the man playing my father in the dream wasn't my real dad. He was a dark man, short and stocky with a mustache. I pulled him out of bed and he fell on the floor. I sat him up and told him the bad news that my tent was gone. All my jewelry and tools for working on jewelry were in the tent and it was all gone too. I was trying to find the phone number for the local police but could not find it in the phone book. That was when I woke up. I can't figure out what the dream means. There could to be two issues in my life - the real tent out in the yard needs to be taken down before winter and a fear that my business might be lost to me.

Oh well, I did go out and look the tent over this morning and took some of the lights down that I had hanging in it. Then I noticed some neat toadstools in the yard beside it and had to take some photos of them with the Through The Viewfinder contraption.

10-5-16-toadstools

I took my afternoon nap just now in the tent - lovely. I will miss it when it's gone. Time to get back out there and get to work taking it down I guess.

friday

Sep. 16th, 2016 08:37 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
Life is good - at least I woke up this morning feeling that way.
Last night when Dave and I were grocery shopping I got English muffins and elderberry jelly to have for breakfast this morning. Mmm.
We also went for a bike ride last night at sunset. Went down river to the Belmar bridge and beyond it to sit on a bench by the river for a while.
Today is another sunny but relatively cool day. It should get up to only about 75 F.
It's not even 8 am and I've already done a firing in my Quikfire kiln. More redoing of flowers. Will hopefully get around to painting the back of the frame that the mosaic will go into today.
Dreamed last night that Dave had a little tiny open-topped car - it had a seat in the front where he was and and a compartment in the back for me. We were exploring the country side, going down little paths, under bridges and navigating canals. Some were very small passages and I had to contort myself to get thorough them. It was a happy dream and I felt accomplished that we were making progress in spite of problems. I felt confident that we could get through anything.
Thinking about scheduling again. Scheduling my life and my time. I want to have at least 2 hours a day for "work" (jewelry and mosaic - etsy shop), 4 hours for hiking, biking and walking, 1 hour for art therapy. The art therapy is something I have not been doing at all but I know I feel better when I do it. Need to clear off my painting table to make that happen. I need to clear off a lot of surfaces in my studio - what a cluttered mess it has gotten to be while I concentrated on the basement.
I think I will take the tent down today. It will be a good day for that since it is dry. Goodbye summer retreat place.

Heather's-necklace-hand-9-16-16
Last week the grandkids brought me this necklace that I had made for Heather (the grandkids mom) before 2004 when Rossy was born. It has a big sapphire for Heather's birth month, a ruby for Hazel, and an amethyst for Sebby but no stone for Rossy. So I added 2 faux alexandrite beads on the chain for him and polished it up. They will be taking it back and giving it to her tomorrow as a birthday surprise. I was actually a little shocked when I saw it. I hadn't seen it for over 13 years and had forgotten all about it. I thought - that looks really good! A better photo of it. )

sunday

Sep. 4th, 2016 08:01 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
After I wrote my entry here at 7 last night I went to bed - just felt exhausted. Slept all night. Made me wonder if I had been exposed to something - some germ - yesterday that I was fighting off. Dave felt very tired for the first couple days that he had the shingles - before we found out that he had shingles. I don't think I have shingles but I do believe there are all kinds of viruses and germs we are fighting off all the time and we don't even know what they are because we have no other symptoms than the tiredness we have from fighting them off or maybe a headache or something we can't figure out.

Dreamed this morning that I was living in my parent's old house next door with my little sister - our parents had passed on. I suddenly got the idea that I wanted to bring my brother John home from the rehab center/nursing home that he was living in. It was really far away and would take many hours to drive and get him. My sister was glad to go along and we were getting dressed and ready to go but then I remembered that we didn't have a wheelchair van anymore so there was no way to get him. Woke up sad.

Not sure who my "little sister" was in the dream. She was similar to Chloe, my daughter. Chloe is entering an art show called Heal: An Exhibition on the Journey of Healing in Oil City this weekend. She and her friend Kiyomi who is the curator were trying to get me to enter something. I thought at first I might be able to make a new artwork for it but I just didn't feel inspired. Yesterday Chloe texted me encouraging me again. So I am going to see if any of my jewelry pendants would be appropriate. Some are on the theme of healing I think. Kiyomi will be coming to a birthday party we will be having here tomorrow for Dave and Jules. I will see if she thinks that would work. Or I could clean off my art table today and see if there is anything inside me on the spur of the moment. Hmm - I just now thought of the collage book I made after John died. That might be very appropriate! Thank you John for (possibly) sending the dream.

0 book-and-milo
The book "Returning to Our Mother's Arms" and Milo. Random pictures from inside the book HERE )

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