thursday

Apr. 13th, 2017 07:48 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
4-13-17-tree-life
I see a tree that has been damaged, splitting, cracking apart but still alive and bursting with life. Spring is happening.

I had a headache most of yesterday and felt fuzzy. My tinnitus was extra loud. But in it's own way it was a good day with lots of talking to friends, lots of crying, which was just what I needed. Getting used to life as it is. Hazel drove me to the store for some shopping and carried the groceries in for me. I made progress on the crocheted baby blanket. Watched episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - good silliness. Dave swept off the front porch and back porch and made them nice. He mowed the back yard for the first time this year too. I ate my supper out back at the picnic table. We (Dave and I, Hazel and Rossy) walked Andy down to the creek and threw his ball with the ball thrower in the lower yard. Hazel has got a great throwing arm - I think cause she is so tall - and Andy got a really good work out. He loves to chase the ball.

Tomorrow Johnny and Alison and Chloe and Mike are coming for a visit. Chloe wants me to show her some new hiking trails where she can take her ARC clients. I think we will show her the trail to Rainbow Rocks - it will be a relatively easy walk that her clients can handle. Mike and Dave are going fishing.

It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day today. I have a big pot with a passionflower vine in it. I might have killed it with neglect over the winter but I want to get it planted outside soon - there might still be hope for it. I won't be able to lift it myself but I bet I can get a grandkid to help me. I am not very good with most houseplants, except succulents. I think the passionflower will have better luck outside, even with our winters - they can withstand some freezing.

I have had a dreamwidth account since 2010 but I only use it to back up my LJ now and then and never post there. The last time I backed it up was in 2012 but I am backing it up today. I have a different name there: Summersgate. https://summersgate.dreamwidth.org/ I don't want to leave LJ and don't plan to leave but just in case something happens to LJ I will be covered. I will still be posting my entries on LJ.

style

Jan. 24th, 2017 09:43 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
cracker-barrel-style
My style.

Dave and I went to Meadville this morning so he could get his eye treatment (the doctor said he can see some improvement now) and then we ate lunch at Cracker Barrel. Who would have thought that Cracker Barrel carries my style? Came home, took a quick nap and then it was time to meet with Nancy, Deb and Jan for supper. Nice to catch up with Deb who I haven't seen for a while. Came home, took out the garbage and now Dave and I are watching (re-watching) Oh Brother Where Art Thou? Crochet time...

adventures

May. 17th, 2016 08:17 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
We are jokingly calling ourselves the Adventure Club now. We started our group around 1992 I think and called ourselves Sister Circle (the most beloved and wonderful group I've ever been in), which morphed into Art Group (with some men added in), then we became Women's Writing Group but that didn't excite some members and things were falling apart. The group is smaller now and it seems we might be changing into a group of women who like to go places and see things. I like it. Today we went to the outlet mall and shopped. I don't usually care for shopping at all but it was nice to go with good friends. I was on the lookout for something to wear to the class reunion in July. I couldn't find anything that wasn't too expensive or that I even liked. I had given up and was trying to think of some things in my closet that might be okay when we went into the last store of the day and I found a pair of flow-y loose long black pants. I can add some kind of fancy top and I think it will look pretty good. Also midway through the day I found a nice 2 piece swimsuit - black with big colorful red and yellow flowers and green leaves.

Thinking about the women's group... I always used to try to push to get the group back to what the original Sister Circle was - a group of women who were all fimiliar with recovery and our time together was very healing. We took turns sharing about our lives on a deep level with no advice giving and all felt very safe together. But I guess things can only live so long. I think I have finally accepted that that group is dead and doesn't need revived. It's time for Adventure Club to live now. Ironically I'm seeing that since we are all such old friends anyway it still has the flavor of a deep sharing experience as we travel along.
summersgate: (self portrait a day)
49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?

This is not an exact answer to the question but usually when I have an immediate good feeling about someone it stays. And it is hard to like someone later that I don't originally like. So I don't know if I am a person who just stays stuck in my opinions or if I am a very good and quick judge of who I will always like.

12-30-15-puddle
Photo taken by Candy while on our hike on Oak Hill today.

I'm glad I got out today - just what I needed. I have been indoors too long and everything was starting to feel blaa. Still dark and overcast but at least not raining today...
summersgate: (eggshells)
38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?

I don't think I have broken any relationships. I have kept them all open - though some might be neglected. I like to think I could meet anyone at anytime and be okay with them.
summersgate: (self portrait a day)
12-3-15-backyard-snow
6 am spad - the roads weren't bad.

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?
I don't have a lot of acquaintances but I do have a very few good close friends. I generally never set out to meet new people and so rarely do. I feel very fortunate with the people I have in my life right now.

While I was lying awake last night I was thinking about the years I used to work at Polk Center. It is a state institution for mentally handicapped individuals. Most of the 11 years I worked there I worked night watch and liked it very much. I liked working alone, in charge of my little world - reading, knitting, crocheting to pass the time - folding resident's clothing and putting it away, small cleaning jobs. The long, supposedly empty night but it really wasn't empty - you had to pace yourself - make rounds every half hour - though honestly it was more like every hour. In some cottages we needed to work in pairs so I had some interesting one to one talks with other workers. One old guy I worked with was named Bob Deal and he was definitely an alcoholic. At that time my last name was Coke so when we would come in together to work our cottage they all said, here comes Rum and Coke - ha, ha. Anyway, we usually played cards to pass the time. And he told me stories of his life - in the navy and living on a farm as a kid. He taught me cribbage. And we drank - from a thermos he brought in. Most the time it was coffee but sometimes something stronger. We became good friends. In another place I worked I always worked alone cause they were higher functioning clients - I barely saw anyone all night except for sleeping bodies in beds. If a skunk wandered in or a bat got in the transom it was a welcome distraction. I saw it as my job to deal with things as quietly as possible to give my folks a good night's sleep. In other places it was my job as their guardian to keep their beds dry so they could sleep comfortably. I found it interesting to make the rounds; sleeping person, sleeping person, snoring person, and then I would come upon someone in their big crib lying with eyes wide awake waiting quietly for someone to come and change their diaper. I saw that as a welcome distraction too. My partner might ask when I came back from rounds why didn't I call them to help change the bed - but I preferred to deal with the residents by myself - to have one to one time with them.
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-15-15-six-of-pentacles
from the Golden Botticelli Tarot

I am the one who...
...reaches out my hand to offer something of value. Riches are falling from heaven - more than enough for everyone. I kneel and I offer myself to be of service.

It's odd but it looks to me like the person is offering a golden hat or bowl with a breast in it. Precious mother love and nourishment. We can't see who the person is offering his/her gift to.

I had lunch with C yesterday - just catching up - we don't get to see each other that often. Her husband is in a nursing home with an early onset form of dementia. He doesn't always remember who she is and will only sometimes be able to say her name. She visits him every day at lunch time and encourages him to finish his meal - otherwise he would only eat a very little and forget to continue. I have a tendency to want to relate her experience to the experience I had with my mom's dementia but I shouldn't. It's not the same at all. I really have nothing to offer her except to be a good listener. I should just keep my mouth shut about "how it was for me" and (looking back) I wish I had.

Thinking about people in general - the differences in people. Some people can't, and just never will "jibe" with certain others. Somewhere out there in the world (I am blissfully unaware who they are) there are people who don't like me or jibe with me. I know who the people are who I don't care to be around but I don't (exactly) know who the people are who don't like me. I can imagine who some of them might be though. But I'd rather go through life thinking I am generally liked even though I know it is impossible to be liked by everyone. Impossible. So it all comes down to acceptance. Needing to accept each other as best we can to get along in this world. And being grateful for the people we do have.

Let me be like the figure in the Six of Pentacles above - offering kindness today - because I have received so much myself.

~ later...
Just got back from driving Jules to work so I can borrow his car today. It has been 3 weeks (has it only been 3 weeks since Christmas? It seems ages ago) since I broke my finger and I need to go for a checkup.

A waning sickle moon this early morning in a lightly clouded sky. 12 degrees - seems "warm" compared to what it was.

I've been up since 3:30. At first, just lying there thinking. Then I became curious what the tarot would advise me today. I wish I was better at remembering my dreams right now. I used to be so good at it and loved replaying them all day. Anymore they seem to evaporate as soon as I wake.

Dave and I watched Buster Keaton in The General last night - maybe I dreamed about that.

Stupid tooth - or maybe it's teeth. Small toothaches coming and going - sometimes the ache really won't let me forget it's there (then after 15 minutes it's gone) but I have decided that unless it goes on for very long or becomes unbearable I'm not going to take any more ibuprofen for it. Ibuprofen masks too much and I won't be able to really report what is going on to the dentist if I keep taking it all the time. Probably 80% to 90% of the time there is no toothache at all.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Day 38. The best vacation you took?

When Chloe and Johnny were still kids - maybe about 12 and 9, Dave and I took them to Florida for a 2 week vacation one summer. We stayed in a duplex apartment out on Anna Marie Island. We were one block from the beach and swam every single day, sometimes twice a day. We balanced that with driving around and seeing sights. Our Subaru station wagon had no AC but that was okay - we had the windows open all the time and if we got too hot we came home to the apartment and it was nice and cool there. It was exceedingly hot that summer - I remember hearing that it was 100F and everyone was talking about the fires burning in Northern FL or Georgia. Anna Maria Island is right off the coast from Bradenton where my sister Kathy [livejournal.com profile] earthmother45 lives (she was the one who lined up the apartment for us with one of her friends) so we got a chance to visit with family too while there. On the way home we decided to take our time and got on the Blue Ridge Parkway. I was really getting into it but Dave was getting impatient with all the slow driving and barely getting closer to home. We had our only argument when he suddenly turned off and got on a highway without even telling me that was what he was planning to do. I was mad that he had made a decision without telling me anything first. But I got over that pretty fast and looking back felt that we did pretty good having only one altercation in 2 weeks time.

Day 39. Why your best friend is your best friend.

I have a few women friends who I count as my best friends (should I say "better" friends?). I value their kindness, fairness and willingness to listen. I find that they are interested in many of the same things I am interested in too. We have like-mindedness. I can count on them to understand me or try to... But really my best friend is my husband Dave. He is always there for me. We aren't quite like-minded but being there for me, being a good companion everyday and being supportive counts for a lot. Plus he makes me laugh. And last of all, another best friend is my sister, Kathy. Maybe she is my best friend because we are so alike - 2 peas in a pod - so it is easy to love her.
summersgate: (Default)
I need to go over next door after 6 pm to take care of mom and stay there over night.

I want to put glass in that 4 part mold, fire it and see what happens.

Last night Dave and I went to a dinner party at Kenyon's house. He has such an intriguingly decorated home. His decorator colors are bright orange and cobalt blues with most of the walls and the floors being beige-ish or something very neutral that you don't notice anyway. Strange little pictures, some in frames, cloth wallhangings and collages on the wall. It makes for a very stimulating environment. And since he had the window wide open most of the night because he was worried about smoke from the stove - that was also stimulating - I kept my coat on most of the night. We had really great food and good conversation. Kenyon's new neighbor asked me a question about my art and I launched in to a huge explanation about what I do (he had no idea what was coming when he asked his innocent question but my mind is full of it and it just needed the bottle to be opened for it to pour out). After that I felt a little more comfortable with the new people and was able to open my mouth a little bit on the subjects of movies, books, drugs we have taken, computer problems, parts of the country we have visited, animals and what they may do and such.

Yesterday in my experimental mode I tried a REALLY stupid thing. I thought I would try "sandcasting" the glass and use the sand I have from my METAL sandcasting kit. (Why didn't I read something about sandcasting GLASS first?) I made a mold holder from a cut down tin can and filled it with the sand (which has I think a little glycerin or some kind of oil in it to help it "pack" better) then carved and shaped a place in it to put the glass. I filled it with glass and put it in my little enameling kiln. When it got up to 600 degrees I peeked inside and a big poof of black smoke came out and flames burst from the mold. I immediately shut the door and turned off the power but later when I opened it the whole inside was coated with black soot. I hope it doesn't ruin the heating coils to have the soot on them. Shit. I truly AM "the little girl who plays with things till they break". I don't like that kiln much anyway (it is so slow! - it takes about 2 hours to get up to temp and now with the coils coated with soot I can only imagine how long it will take!) but it is the only "enameling" kiln I have. I can't afford another kiln at this time. Hmm - maybe I should try vacuuming inside it today...

What else is on my mind?

Nothing.

Oh, I want to do something positive about my weight. I had a dream about it last night - can't remember the whole dream but I dreamed someone said something nice to me like, "you look nice" and I answered back (in the dream), "I will never think I look nice till I get rid of this fat". Which is kind of true though I really don't dwell on it much. I am not happy with "tum tum" (as I try to loving call it) and I worry about my arteries clogging with fat too. I made the statement at the party last night when everyone was talking about drugs and addictions that I have always been addicted to SOMEthing and now it is food. Of course Dave chimed in that I was addicted to Amazon too and I had to agree. But I feel like I need to do something more about this food addiction. I feel like I have hardly any power to say "no" to foods that really aren't good for me. Today when I am faced with food choices I want to remember my dream. Dreams help me to know what I REALLY want so often and I need to keep in touch with that in the daytime too.
summersgate: (Default)
I need to go over next door after 6 pm to take care of mom and stay there over night.

I want to put glass in that 4 part mold, fire it and see what happens.

Last night Dave and I went to a dinner party at Kenyon's house. He has such an intriguingly decorated home. His decorator colors are bright orange and cobalt blues with most of the walls and the floors being beige-ish or something very neutral that you don't notice anyway. Strange little pictures, some in frames, cloth wallhangings and collages on the wall. It makes for a very stimulating environment. And since he had the window wide open most of the night because he was worried about smoke from the stove - that was also stimulating - I kept my coat on most of the night. We had really great food and good conversation. Kenyon's new neighbor asked me a question about my art and I launched in to a huge explanation about what I do (he had no idea what was coming when he asked his innocent question but my mind is full of it and it just needed the bottle to be opened for it to pour out). After that I felt a little more comfortable with the new people and was able to open my mouth a little bit on the subjects of movies, books, drugs we have taken, computer problems, parts of the country we have visited, animals and what they may do and such.

Yesterday in my experimental mode I tried a REALLY stupid thing. I thought I would try "sandcasting" the glass and use the sand I have from my METAL sandcasting kit. (Why didn't I read something about sandcasting GLASS first?) I made a mold holder from a cut down tin can and filled it with the sand (which has I think a little glycerin or some kind of oil in it to help it "pack" better) then carved and shaped a place in it to put the glass. I filled it with glass and put it in my little enameling kiln. When it got up to 600 degrees I peeked inside and a big poof of black smoke came out and flames burst from the mold. I immediately shut the door and turned off the power but later when I opened it the whole inside was coated with black soot. I hope it doesn't ruin the heating coils to have the soot on them. Shit. I truly AM "the little girl who plays with things till they break". I don't like that kiln much anyway (it is so slow! - it takes about 2 hours to get up to temp and now with the coils coated with soot I can only imagine how long it will take!) but it is the only "enameling" kiln I have. I can't afford another kiln at this time. Hmm - maybe I should try vacuuming inside it today...

What else is on my mind?

Nothing.

Oh, I want to do something positive about my weight. I had a dream about it last night - can't remember the whole dream but I dreamed someone said something nice to me like, "you look nice" and I answered back (in the dream), "I will never think I look nice till I get rid of this fat". Which is kind of true though I really don't dwell on it much. I am not happy with "tum tum" (as I try to loving call it) and I worry about my arteries clogging with fat too. I made the statement at the party last night when everyone was talking about drugs and addictions that I have always been addicted to SOMEthing and now it is food. Of course Dave chimed in that I was addicted to Amazon too and I had to agree. But I feel like I need to do something more about this food addiction. I feel like I have hardly any power to say "no" to foods that really aren't good for me. Today when I am faced with food choices I want to remember my dream. Dreams help me to know what I REALLY want so often and I need to keep in touch with that in the daytime too.

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