summersgate: (eggshells)
Life recently has been:
Feeling anger at liars and addicts and how they make life difficult for the rest of us.
Working at letting go of anger and trying to understand.
Driving long distances with Dave to funerals or family visits.
Keeping up with the animals we have - making sure the cats are fed everyday, the cat litter is cleaned, the dog is fed and cared for, the bird feeders outside are filled, and Yoshi! (silent lizard in a glass box - easy to forget).
Bills are paid, mail looked at.
Tried to get the car inspected before yesterday - now it is illegal to drive it.
Wishing I could sleep a full night so I won't be so tired all day. I am happy if I can make it till 5 - even 4 looks good.
Finding proper foods to eat - not doing very good at that - my breakfast that I am eating as I write this is what is left in the bottom of a bag of SunChips. I long for apple pie.
Talking to people - minimizing my feelings, watching my words and guarding myself - very tiring.

Yesterday we took Andy with us to State College rather than leaving him in his box at home (with the grandkids coming over after school to let him out). He likes car rides and I almost think the excitement of riding in the car tires him out as much as a big run in the woods would. We needed to take along his travel box and put him in it while we were inside talking to Dave's family and when we ate in a restaurant but most of the day he got to sit in the backseat watching for things (at one point 6 deer ran across the road in front of the car and Andy saw them!), sniffing the air from the window or leaning his head on our shoulders. The day was very rainy. Driving at 70 mph in heavy rain on an interstate highway (or driving at less than 70 with everyone around you passing you at 70) is stressful. There was a place when we got to the top of a mountain nearing State College where there was thick fog - actually I think what happened is we got up into the cloud layer that was raining on us before cause the rain seemed to stop then. Difficult driving - good to get home and finally relax last night. I'm hoping we won't have to deal with any more of the problems that Dave's brother left behind (for a few weeks) and maybe we can get back to a normal life again - work through the grief of losing him without other issues.

thursday

Nov. 10th, 2016 09:26 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
I feel like I'm having a delayed reaction. It is the next stage of grief and all I want to do today is cry.

I had been thinking about the tarot lately - wanting to get back into pulling a card each day and see what that might tell me. Today's:

11-10-16-Two-Sorceress-chrysalis-tarot.jpg
The Sorceress (II) from the Chrysalis Deck.

Transformation. An ability to change. Black birds change to white light. Magic mushrooms change how we view reality. Spirals on the cauldron represent creation and higher levels of growth. An (olive?) branch in the crook of her arm = peace.

So... don't give up.

I have been getting messages here and there to practice "acceptance". It is really the only way to go.

I went yesterday and got a new prescription for glasses and put in an order for a new pair to be made. I felt like Sears Optical was giving me a hard time on purpose and made me wait for an hour before they would help me. I only needed to get in there for 2 minutes to have the doctor write me a updated prescription for the reading part of the glasses but they made me wait through 2 other people's eye exams first. They told me to just come in anytime between 3 and 6 and they would fit me in - but they didn't. Anyway. Hopefully I will be able to see with the new glasses and I can get back to work again. Well, I can work - but it is so hard to see. I am just guessing a lot of the time and then needing to check later with a magnifying glass. I wanted to do some enameling but it is too fine of work without good glasses.

I drove Hazel to school early this morning - beautiful morning - skims of fog floating over the valleys and the dawn sun lighting up the gray, golden and russet hills. The road to Meadville follows the French Creek valley a lot of the way. I enjoy driving it - big long views across the valley.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Woke up at 3 am - couldn't sleep anymore and I thought of some things that it would be good to do in the night. I have some dog training videos that I can't download in the daytime cause we have run out of our daytime allowance of internet for the month - so now the only good time to do internet-y things is between 2 am and 8 am; and I wanted to load the kiln with those latest rocks and leaves and flowers. A few of the largest rocks aren't quite dry but if I put the kiln on low and leave the lid open an inch they will dry faster in there. So now that I have the dog training videos downloaded I can watch them at my leisure in the daytime, and Dave can too. Andy can be very frustrating (to me) - wanting to pull on the leash if there is something very interesting to him and he still does his crazy running and jumping and snapping at the leash at times. When this started (the decision to get a dog) - all I wanted was a dog for company to take on walks when I couldn't find a human to go with me. And that seems to be the one thing I can't do with him. He is good in the house (I am thankful) and in the back yard. It is going places on the leash that causes problems. I had a terrible time with him yesterday in the backyard when some rabbits ran where he could see them. He is nearly stronger than me and I can hardly hold him back. And of course we still have the cat problem - but I don't think that is all his fault. If the cats didn't run I don't think he would chase them. If he does trap them in a corner he just stands over them whimpering with his mouth shut while they hiss and bat at him. He's never tried to hurt them - just wants to play (chase something that runs).

As usual I guess the answer is to just keep on keeping on... (training).

Going back to bed now.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Things feel unsettled right now. We had planned to head out later today after Hazel's dental appointment for the camping trip but since rain is forecast 100% for Thursday we decided we should go another week. Now what? Dave says tomorrow we will make a special all day trip with the kids somewhere though. And I had a problem with an online order that I did through Walmart. I ordered and paid for 2 camping cots online on June 4th and a few days ago it started to show on my home computer screen that they were in and that I had picked them up. I hadn't. When I called them to ask about it they said that they weren't there at the store and that they were on route from the warehouse and they weren't sure when they would arrive. Last night we went to the store and there were the two identical camping cots on the shelves. I took them to the pick up area of the store and asked them if they could just give me those cots since I had already paid for them. They couldn't cause on their computer screen it showed that mine were still on route. What they could do though would be sell me the ones in the store for a discount (the online price) and when the other ones would arrive I could cancel the order then and get my money back for them. So I did that. But it just bugs me. Not knowing for sure that they will cancel my order and give me my money back - especially since it still says on my computer screen at home that I have already picked them up. I felt in a hurry to get them last night cause I thought today we would be heading out for camping but now it feels like I made a big mistake that didn't need to be made since the camping trip is postponed.

Anyway - what I need to do now is FORGET it and not think about it. I don't know for sure that it won't turn out okay in the end. I guess I just don't like the feeling of being out of control and helpless. Worst case scenario it's a loss of $50+ in the end but still - it seems unfair for us to lose $50. I think I would be pissed even if it was only $5 - it is unfair and stupid on their part that they can't keep track of things and can't update things properly to match reality. But it is thinking and obsessing this way about it that is driving me crazy right now. Stop worrying about it and obsessing!!!!

Here's a photo from a bike ride that Candy and I did yesterday - something simple and true and alive - not having to do with a mix up on a computer screen and dealing with mega-companies and unhelpful employees:
Sandy-Creek-valley-6-13-16
The Sandy Creek valley - there are many bridges that cross Sandy Creek on that trail and many nice views but I think this is my favorite. Just out of sight in the lower left were a mother duck and 2 babies.

mergansers-sandy-creek-trail-6-13-16
Dave tells me they are mergansers. A duck that likes to dive and eat little fish and snails and such. I thought it was interesting that the babies had the big light dots on their backs. I didn't notice that when we were watching them from the bridge - it only showed up to me in the photo just now.
summersgate: (studio pix)
tools-super-takumar-4-23-15.2jpg
tool row

The nikon adapter hasn't arrived yet so I just held the lens up in front of the camera for this photo. But I am sure I am going to love this lens! The tracking says the adapter left New Jersey on Monday and went to Kentucky for some reason and has been in Hebron, KY since Tuesday. I'm wondering if I will ever get it. It's frustrating that I have the lens but can't attach it to the camera yet. Grrr.

Edit - 5:50pm - just found out that the adapter is in the Franklin post office now! Yay!

letter-stamps-4-23-15
letter stamps
summersgate: (eggshells)
Why, why, why does something always have to stink around here?!?! The basement is good again as far as having the dead mouse smell gone but now the bathroom smells like a dead mouse. And why am I always having to look for something? Tonight I misplaced a piece of silver that I had cut out for a ring. I was taking it into the bathroom to wash it (the bathroom is right beside my studio room) but when I got there I found Gabe and his cousin Adrian in there dying their hair so I turned around and did something else, I can’t remember what. Then later when I looked for the piece of silver I couldn't find it anymore. So I am wandering around the house constantly now looking for the silver piece and then I find myself going into the bathroom to look and I get distracted and start to look for the dead mouse instead. I look and look and never find it! Since the bathroom is right beside my workroom I am starting to smell the smell in here too. Why is the story of my life always about looking for dead mice? Or looking for my coffee cup? Or something else I have misplaced. Dave says it is cause I have TMB. His latest joke – Too Many Birthdays.

One good thing - the itchiness is definitely getting better. I am going for long periods of time not having to think of my hand. Yesterday and most of today the longest I could go without thinking about it was about 30 seconds.

Edit: Yay!!!! I just went back to the bathroom for another look - used the flashlight and looked down into the register and I could just barely see the mouse there - up on top of the heat fins - so that is why I couldn't see it when I was searching under the register - it was IN the register. I wish the cats would just kill the mice quick and not play with them and then let them get away with mortal injuries. Now if I could just find the silver piece.

lj problems

Jul. 8th, 2012 06:42 am
summersgate: (Default)
For about 3 or 4 days now I have been having all kinds of problems with LJ login. So all I can read are public entries. The first couple days it did let me use the iPod for posting and reading protected entries of others but now that is messed up too. But for some reason every once in a while it lets me slip through and I can post something. That is all it will let me do with my session though. Frustrating....

Mom is still doing good. I will have a full day of watching over her at the hospital today since this is Jill's day off - I need to leave soon to do that. I am so tired!!!! Watching over someone at the hospital is so much more tiring and stressful than taking care of them at home. I hope it works out that she can go home tomorrow. If they take her catheter out today and her bloodwork is ok (she had low potassium yesterday) we will finally get out of there.
summersgate: (OPADI)
6-28-12 wheelchair

As usual - things don't go as smoothly as I think they will and blurb isn't downloading my journal correctly - or else I don't know what I'm doing (more likely) - grrr. But I am persevering - and redoing it. It took 3 1/2 hours the first time so here we go again...
summersgate: (Default)
Sometime during the week last week I hid the birthday presents I got for Sebby (we are celebrating his birthday today) but I am such a good hider and have such a bad memory now that I can't find them. Gaagh! Nothing to do but keep looking - try to find my brain too.
summersgate: (Default)
Sometime during the week last week I hid the birthday presents I got for Sebby (we are celebrating his birthday today) but I am such a good hider and have such a bad memory now that I can't find them. Gaagh! Nothing to do but keep looking - try to find my brain too.

tuesday

Feb. 14th, 2012 08:28 pm
summersgate: (i am in here)
Had a frustrating day today. A stupid day where I felt like I wasn't doing what I really should have been doing. If I was doing the "right" thing maybe things would have worked out better. I am supposed to make 2 rings of nearly the same design but one has a brass overlay on the band. I find that when you work with brass and sterling together, especially when they are combined in the early stages it is difficult. Brass heats up faster than sterling and melts any solder that is touching it sooner than it would otherwise and it is a harder metal - just harder to move and manipulate.

Anyway I struggled and struggled with the first ring with the brass band and finally failed to make a good join on the back of the band. The join was just too sloppy looking and I gave up on the ring - instead of putting a bezel for a stone on it like I would have if I had really liked the ring I just put 3 sterling balls on it and figured I'd give it away to someone - someone who liked it in spite of it's flaws - or I'll wear it myself. So I started a brand new ring from scratch - things went better, the join was good and I felt it was acceptable. But when I was trying the stone in the bezel the stone fell onto my lap - I heard it hit the plastic drawers that are under my desk. I searched and searched for the stone - for a really long time. I was down on my hands and knees with a flashlight and moved everything out of the way. Finally I gave up and looked in my stone box to see if I could find another nice sunstone to use instead. But there were no really good ones with lots of shine and I wanted this to be perfect. So with disappointment I picked out the best stone I could find and laid it on the worktable. I looked at the worktable a little better - there was my missing stone! It hadn't fallen? It magically appeared on the table? Well, that was a relief. So I started the other ring - this one was all sterling (no brass) and it went much easier and I was done by the time Jill left at 5. With satisfaction I put both rings and their stones on the worktable and took a nap.

When I got up a little while ago I was going to oxidize both rings and then set the stones and polish them. But I can't find that ring with the brass band now!!!! It's missing from my worktable. I looked for about a half an hour, all over the table, on the floor, moved things out of the way on the floor (replay of earlier today when I was looking for the stone) then gave up cause I needed to get mom up. So here I am sitting with mom, bummed out that I will probably have to make a third brass banded ring - gaagh! If a ring was going to go missing why couldn't it have been the all sterling one so it would be easier to replace? I am sick of making brass banded rings! Am I cursed today? If I didn't have these rings promised I wouldn't even be doing jewelry work right now - I would be working in the back room instead - that's where I feel like I am being called. Baa!!!

tuesday

Feb. 14th, 2012 08:28 pm
summersgate: (i am in here)
Had a frustrating day today. A stupid day where I felt like I wasn't doing what I really should have been doing. If I was doing the "right" thing maybe things would have worked out better. I am supposed to make 2 rings of nearly the same design but one has a brass overlay on the band. I find that when you work with brass and sterling together, especially when they are combined in the early stages it is difficult. Brass heats up faster than sterling and melts any solder that is touching it sooner than it would otherwise and it is a harder metal - just harder to move and manipulate.

Anyway I struggled and struggled with the first ring with the brass band and finally failed to make a good join on the back of the band. The join was just too sloppy looking and I gave up on the ring - instead of putting a bezel for a stone on it like I would have if I had really liked the ring I just put 3 sterling balls on it and figured I'd give it away to someone - someone who liked it in spite of it's flaws - or I'll wear it myself. So I started a brand new ring from scratch - things went better, the join was good and I felt it was acceptable. But when I was trying the stone in the bezel the stone fell onto my lap - I heard it hit the plastic drawers that are under my desk. I searched and searched for the stone - for a really long time. I was down on my hands and knees with a flashlight and moved everything out of the way. Finally I gave up and looked in my stone box to see if I could find another nice sunstone to use instead. But there were no really good ones with lots of shine and I wanted this to be perfect. So with disappointment I picked out the best stone I could find and laid it on the worktable. I looked at the worktable a little better - there was my missing stone! It hadn't fallen? It magically appeared on the table? Well, that was a relief. So I started the other ring - this one was all sterling (no brass) and it went much easier and I was done by the time Jill left at 5. With satisfaction I put both rings and their stones on the worktable and took a nap.

When I got up a little while ago I was going to oxidize both rings and then set the stones and polish them. But I can't find that ring with the brass band now!!!! It's missing from my worktable. I looked for about a half an hour, all over the table, on the floor, moved things out of the way on the floor (replay of earlier today when I was looking for the stone) then gave up cause I needed to get mom up. So here I am sitting with mom, bummed out that I will probably have to make a third brass banded ring - gaagh! If a ring was going to go missing why couldn't it have been the all sterling one so it would be easier to replace? I am sick of making brass banded rings! Am I cursed today? If I didn't have these rings promised I wouldn't even be doing jewelry work right now - I would be working in the back room instead - that's where I feel like I am being called. Baa!!!
summersgate: (Default)

"Guardian Moon" ring - gray moonstone, brass and sterling.
Finished this ring tonight for a customer who wanted if by the 16th for a birthday present. I had promised I would have it done this weekend so I was starting to feel a little pressure. The odd thing was, everything I did went wrong on the ring. This photo is not of the original ring I started. As I said - everything went wrong with the original ring - the back seam just would not join, I soldered it 4 different times, after cutting it apart and then refiling the fit each time. And from all the filing the back was starting to become thin. I finally gave up on that ring and thought I would just try to finish it and give it away to someone who might not mind a barely noticeably defective ring. I had set the stone (I changed the stone to a black onyx cause I knew at that point it didn't have to be a gray moonstone anymore) and as I was burnishing the setting it fell out of my hands and DISAPPEARED. I have looked everywhere for it, pulled everything out from my work area but it can't be found. I guess that ring really was doomed and as it got closer to completion it just couldn't stand it anymore. Anyway - this ring that I'm showing I did finish and finished it without a bit of problem. I did a lot of praying to the soldering gods though.

Watched, "Orpheus" today - a French film by Jean Cocteau. For a 1950 movie without modern special effects it has some eerie parts and is good.

Also watched, "The Best of Nature: 25 Years" - and cried a lot (in a good way). There were some really moving parts. One part where they showed a elephant who was reunited after 20 years to an old friend and they were so sweet to each other. Also a part where a mother antelope (or some kind of animal like that) fought off wild dogs for her baby and beat them. And just lots of strange and beautiful animal things you wouldn't expect. I love Netflix!
summersgate: (Default)

"Guardian Moon" ring - gray moonstone, brass and sterling.
Finished this ring tonight for a customer who wanted if by the 16th for a birthday present. I had promised I would have it done this weekend so I was starting to feel a little pressure. The odd thing was, everything I did went wrong on the ring. This photo is not of the original ring I started. As I said - everything went wrong with the original ring - the back seam just would not join, I soldered it 4 different times, after cutting it apart and then refiling the fit each time. And from all the filing the back was starting to become thin. I finally gave up on that ring and thought I would just try to finish it and give it away to someone who might not mind a barely noticeably defective ring. I had set the stone (I changed the stone to a black onyx cause I knew at that point it didn't have to be a gray moonstone anymore) and as I was burnishing the setting it fell out of my hands and DISAPPEARED. I have looked everywhere for it, pulled everything out from my work area but it can't be found. I guess that ring really was doomed and as it got closer to completion it just couldn't stand it anymore. Anyway - this ring that I'm showing I did finish and finished it without a bit of problem. I did a lot of praying to the soldering gods though.

Watched, "Orpheus" today - a French film by Jean Cocteau. For a 1950 movie without modern special effects it has some eerie parts and is good.

Also watched, "The Best of Nature: 25 Years" - and cried a lot (in a good way). There were some really moving parts. One part where they showed a elephant who was reunited after 20 years to an old friend and they were so sweet to each other. Also a part where a mother antelope (or some kind of animal like that) fought off wild dogs for her baby and beat them. And just lots of strange and beautiful animal things you wouldn't expect. I love Netflix!
summersgate: (Default)
The thing is... I want to do so much in this life. I want to paint many more silk paintings. I want to paint in oil. I want to learn and experience encaustic painting. I want to continue jewelry making and enameling. I want to make more ceramic relief mosaics. I want to decorate and fix up my house. I want to write a poem a day. I want to play hand drums and get good at it. I want to read novels, stories, poems, read, read, read. I want to collage, paint and write in my altered book. I need to get busy because I have a big fear I may not live long enough to do it all.

I have been a few things in my life, experienced a few lifestyles - innocent carefree child, style defining (for myself) teenager, hippy flower child hitchhiker, druggy/alcoholic, working woman, gardener, small farmer, caregiver, part-time artist (linocuts, watercolor, jewelry). But I'm not done yet, by god. I want more from this life. I want to experience being a full-time artist. When though?

I picture my future - I do understand that if I don't picture the future that I want, it won't happen. My future: back to the woods again - a studio large enough to contain all the art I want to make - a home I can actually make my own and paint, decorate, mosaic on the walls, design perennial gardens, fountains, gateways, a library room, a huge kitchen, a TV room separate from the main living area. And somehow I want to have TIME, more time for me - for what I want to do. That is the most important thing that I need to visual for this future to come about.
summersgate: (Default)
The thing is... I want to do so much in this life. I want to paint many more silk paintings. I want to paint in oil. I want to learn and experience encaustic painting. I want to continue jewelry making and enameling. I want to make more ceramic relief mosaics. I want to decorate and fix up my house. I want to write a poem a day. I want to play hand drums and get good at it. I want to read novels, stories, poems, read, read, read. I want to collage, paint and write in my altered book. I need to get busy because I have a big fear I may not live long enough to do it all.

I have been a few things in my life, experienced a few lifestyles - innocent carefree child, style defining (for myself) teenager, hippy flower child hitchhiker, druggy/alcoholic, working woman, gardener, small farmer, caregiver, part-time artist (linocuts, watercolor, jewelry). But I'm not done yet, by god. I want more from this life. I want to experience being a full-time artist. When though?

I picture my future - I do understand that if I don't picture the future that I want, it won't happen. My future: back to the woods again - a studio large enough to contain all the art I want to make - a home I can actually make my own and paint, decorate, mosaic on the walls, design perennial gardens, fountains, gateways, a library room, a huge kitchen, a TV room separate from the main living area. And somehow I want to have TIME, more time for me - for what I want to do. That is the most important thing that I need to visual for this future to come about.

GEEZ!

Jan. 30th, 2007 02:05 am
summersgate: (Default)
I thought this afternoon when I started I would be done in a couple hours posting a few things on etsy - I just finished with 7 items (it is now 2 am!) But I do think I learned a lot today. Next time I post things it should go a lot faster and easier. I think I understand finally what size pictures I should of used.

Here's the link: marybird's etsy













GEEZ!

Jan. 30th, 2007 02:05 am
summersgate: (Default)
I thought this afternoon when I started I would be done in a couple hours posting a few things on etsy - I just finished with 7 items (it is now 2 am!) But I do think I learned a lot today. Next time I post things it should go a lot faster and easier. I think I understand finally what size pictures I should of used.

Here's the link: marybird's etsy













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