summersgate: (Default)

I found the bottom one on the dining room table early in the morning as I was cleaning it off - yes - I need something to combat the fear. Love others, love myself. Concentrate on love and not fear.

The top one was the fortune I got at the Chinese buffet when Dave and I had lunch there. Seemed apt. I do need to accept this cancer, this heart condition - then I can do something about it. Or find a way to live with it. Find a way to manage it and put it on the sidelines.

The middle one was Dave's from lunch. It seemed to apply too. After eating we were heading over to look at chicken coops at Tractor and Supply. We have decided that we need to continue on as best we can, even unsure of the future. I want chickens, he wants a shed, we both want a driveway. We can pursue those things.

Today looked like a nice day to start but it is getting darker as the day goes on. Will probably rain. It is nearly 70F. I went to OA this morning - that was good. But ever since I got back home all I have wanted to do is be up for short periods and then back to bed. Very unmotivated...

I think posting photos on dreamwidth is much more time consuming than it is on LJ - it's so easy on LJ. Hopefully I have succeeded with this posting but I don't think I will bother with cross-posting from DW in the future - unless I have to.

ace of cups

Apr. 6th, 2017 07:23 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
The ace of cups, beginning of emotion, the start of feeling, the sprouting of compassion, breaking through of love, an offering of heightened affection. My meditation reading this morning was on self-love and I was thinking about how we hear all the time that we have to love ourselves before we can love others. If I can't forgive myself (a person who I know intimately) then how can I expect to forgive others? We all need forgiven together.

I feel like the news I got at the oncologist yesterday was "good news". If a person has to have breast cancer then I've got the best kind. It's small, it can be helped with hormone therapy and so far it appears not to have spread to the lymph glands - they will know more about that after the operation. I'm active and pretty healthy to start with and it might be a good thing that I'm a little overweight - the loss of some breast tissue won't be as noticeable. The operation is this coming Monday. I will have 3 weeks to heal from that before I start the radiation. Radiation will happen 5 days a week (Monday through Friday) for 4 to 6 weeks. Then I will start hormone therapy - taking a pill once a day for 5 years.

Something I want to do - start writing my food down as I eat it - just to be more aware. For a while there I lost my appetite and when I did eat I wasn't eating very much but the food I was eating wasn't very good for me - too much sweets and high in fat. I want to make a little book that I can carry with me to keep track of my food. But then I think I will need to make a little crocheted bag to carry it - so now this has become an arts/crafts project too.

I don't understand why everyone is so upset that LJ has asked us to sign a new user agreement. Everywhere you go you have to sign user agreements. And then as years go by you have to re-sign them. Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand what the big problem is. I'm not going anywhere. I wish others weren't. I like to read the people on my friend's list and I don't want to have to go to multiple other places to do that - I won't go to multiple blogging platforms to read - I'm too lazy to do that. I certainly won't go to FB to do my writing - what I like to write about isn't appropriate for that place. Oh well...


Jan. 8th, 2017 12:44 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
Done with printing year 2007. I think I will stop there for now. It might be a good early January activity each year to print the journal off from 10 years before. I can really see the changes in our lives in a 10 year time span.

Now I need to punch holes in it and find a 3 ring binder...

Though, this is making me think more about what I write and show here - what would I want to re-read in 10 years time? What do I want to see in 10 years time? What would anyone else want to see or read? I am enjoying reading about what happened each day and I like seeing photos of the people in my life - my thoughts about what things mean - the feelings I had as things were happening. I might try to be more mindful of the "10 year vision".
summersgate: (eggshells)
Gracegiver gave me the idea to collect my LJ into PDF form using the website and it got me all woken up to wanting to print off my journal again. As I was going through my old writings from 2007 that I had put into a word document, I see that on Jan 28 of 2007 I had just finished printing off 3 binders full of stuff. Here's the entry I made about it. I was also reading that I had run into problems with my printer back then too - just as I am now - I can only print off a page or 2 at a time. I had hoped to print off 25 pages at a time but it won't print all the photos if I do it that way. I may bring the printer into my room so I don't have to keep walking out to the living room to check on it.

I do enjoy reading this old stuff. Not sure who else will ever read it. Maybe someone 50 years from now wanting to know what great (great) Grandma Boden's life was like? Or imagine I am old and have dementia - someone could show it to me and it might connect me with myself again - there might be that.

Interesting to see that some things have changed so much since 2007 and some things have changed so little.

I've got 50 pages printed of year 2007 at this point - might take a break and do some mindless crochet now...

hi johnny!

Jun. 30th, 2016 12:28 pm
summersgate: (self portrait a day)
I was just reminded again that my son Johnny reads my LJ. That is rare in the family - I have many more people that I have never met reading then I do family members. As far as I know the only other family who read it are my sister [ profile] earthmother45 and her daughter Tracy. I always imagine that someday, when I am dead and gone that family might look at egg-shell just to see who I was. Was there more to me than I presented in daily life? Then they will be surprised at what I wrote here - my worries, interests, concerns and thoughts. "Hey, here's those photos she took all the time but no one ever saw."

Here's a "spad" (Self Portrait A Day) for you Johnny - a photo project I started last year on Nov 1st but I have neglected to do for 2 whole months:
Andy and your dad too.
summersgate: (eggshells)
I was looking through files this morning and came across a collection of things I wrote in LJ around the time of Dad's death. HERE )


Feb. 14th, 2015 08:16 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
Beautiful snow drifting down in a gray world this dark morning. I love it when it looks like this. Though I suppose driving will be bad. I will be going to my regular Saturday morning OA meeting, then lunch with the OA ladies. After that I will be taking my friend David Z grocery shopping. His car is old and isn't road worthy in bad weather so I have volunteered to take him out to get essentials every Saturday. My car is back and inspected, with newly realigned tires so I feel like I can handle anything winter can dish out today.

Sally gave me a nearly full bag of niger thistle seed last week cause an animal had torn down and broken her feeder and she didn't want to get a new one. So I had to figure out how to feed it to my finches. I got the idea to use one of the organza bags that I got for packaging bracelets. I poked holes in it so the seeds would stick out a bit and hopefully let the birds know what was going on but I haven't had any customers yet. We do have lots of gold finches out there eating the sunflower seeds so I hope soon they will catch on that there is some thistle seed out there in a funny looking bag too.

Just thinking - about LJ - and why I love it so much. I love hearing about the kinds of things everybody is doing all over the world. I have friends in Ukraine, Russia, Australia, Europe, the UK, Ireland, Abu Dhabi, Canada, Sweden, Italy, Texas, Arizona, California, Washington state, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Montana (I might have forgotten where some of you are - sorry.) Anyway, most all living in different parts of the world than me - all ages, different sexes, different financial situations, in cities and in the deep country - or near small towns like me. Everyday I get to hear about your worlds and your thoughts about the world and your situations, your struggles and concerns - see photos of where you live and what you find interesting. Thank you all!
summersgate: (big girl camera daily)
mom's old nut chopping bowl - photo taken with nail polish filter

On a Friday afternoon that somehow feels like a Sunday, Johnny cooking in the kitchen, me paying bills while watching Simon Schama talk about Rembrandt - Johnny asks me to chop some pecans for him. The sight of my mom's old nut chopper and it's wooden bowl calls out to be photographed. I had been wanting to use my old Lumix LX3 camera more often and had fitted it this morning with a clear nail polish filter and a new camera bag to carry it on outings. I want to take it on a woods walk next week. I had gotten it in May of 2010 and it was my first taste of a good camera - almost like having a DSLR because you could put filters on it. It was a camera similar to [ profile] ruralrob's LX2 and I really admired his photography. He also had a Nikon D90 and at the time I knew I couldn't afford that. I miss Rob on LJ - wish he was still around...

my beloved oddball little almost a dslr camera
summersgate: (eggshells)
Day 29. What is something you wish you had done?
Paid more attention to my life and been present every moment possible.

Day 30. What are some of your favorite blogs?
Basically I enjoy reading my LJ friends page. I find my news there, interesting things to look up and study, personal drama, jokes, and photos I admire. I don't read any other blogs really. I do check into facebook every once in a while and every time I do I get annoyed at all the stupid stuff I have to skim through.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Here's an interesting thing - a place where it shows the most recent 50 images posted to LJ. You can keep refreshing it to see more of the newest.
summersgate: (eggshells)
It seems my posting problem is only in google chrome so I have switched over to IE for now.

Sebby and I took a very short bike ride last night along the Allegheny from Franklin towards Oil City. I knew we wouldn't get to Oil City cause we didn't have enough time (only one hour) - he had to get home cause it was a school night. But it was nice anyway. Sebby wants to go FAST and I can't keep up so I let him go on ahead. It worries me though - not knowing where he is and what is happening to him. On this ride I knew I would never catch up to him before we both were going to turn around (after our timers went off in 30 minutes). He would be in an "unknown" place to me the whole time till we met back at the car in one hour. He is 13 and tall and capable for his age - still it bothers me. He is at the age too where he wants to feel like he can do things like this alone. I was going all over the countryside alone on my bike when I was 12 - but that was 50 years ago. I don't know. I'm going to look into getting walkie talkies or maybe just a really cheap cell phone that he can carry.

So anyway - I was basically on a solitary bike ride last night (when I go with Sebby I imagine it will keep being this way) but I enjoyed stopping often to take pictures. 6 autumnish pictures HERE )


Jan. 1st, 2014 09:35 am
summersgate: (big girl camera daily)
Each day passes, like counting beads on a string - (some beads laying around my work table).

Good morning. New day. New year.

Thinking this morning about LJ and it's influence on my life and why I like it. I guess I like it cause I can just say what I want to say. Don't have to wait for an opening to talk, like I would if I was in a real life social situation with a group of people. In those kinds of situations I have very little to say. Here I just say what I say and it's said. I'm not interrupted, not overpowered. I can interact at my own pace. I feel supported - at least I feel heard, I assume I am heard - and when someone comments (even if it's only every once in a while) I get evidence I am heard. I do think of my friend's list as friends. It is a different kind of friend than real life friends but still friends. Friends that I share my thoughts with and listen (read) while they share theirs. Another thing I like is how I find out about interesting things here. Just this morning I found a new cd of music that I think I will enjoy (Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds) because I read about it on my LJ friends page. I get a lot of music that way. And find good movies to watch too. I found out about Greenie's Pill Pockets for Cats a long while back from Angelamermaid and am so glad I did! It's been a life saver for Oo-tapo with all the meds I have to give him. And new ways of thinking. I have been hearing for quite some time now how people have a Word or Concept of the year. Last year I kept reminding myself that my slogan was going to be "Easy Does it". I knew I would need that for the long involved job of painting and redecorating/remodeling as our family switched the houses we were living in while still living in both of them. Maybe my word to remember for the coming year will be "Organize" - it will be the year of TAMING THE BASEMENT. Also I want to refine my whole life - get it more in balance. Work at least a little every day, read more books (less internet reading), get outside to walk more often - so Organize will be a good thought to apply to that too. Organize and Refine.

The StraightTalk Home Phone system is now working! I did have some frustration on Monday with trying to set it up on the internet but finally I called them (the thing I was dreading) and the tech support guy helped me set it up in about 20 minutes. It took a couple more days to port over our old number (which happened last night) and we are now all set. I am very pleased to be saving $65 a month. What is weird though is today both our old landline and the new system are working (with the same phone number) - that shouldn't be. I guess I will need to address that tomorrow if it's still happening.

hi again

Sep. 18th, 2013 03:19 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
I've been kind of avoiding posting anything to LJ lately - since I can't get logged in regularly (hit and miss) and I can't always see or comment on friends only entries it has taken some of the enjoyment out of it. I did finally call hughesnet *again* today and maybe (hopefully) I got it ironed out this time.

You'd think after not writing anything on here for 3 days I would have more to say.

Yoshi's all set up in her new big cage and it is very nice - she has room to stretch out and lay without touching anything around her. I have to imagine that must be a good feeling for her.

I just discovered the Dylan Bootleg series and am presently ripping them into the computer so I can add it all to the music on my ipod. That makes me happy to have more Dylan.

Milo killed 2 mice last night. He left one in the hallway (Dave found that one during the night) and one on the bed in my studio, which I found when I was straightening the covers this morning. I'm glad it was fresh and not old and smelling like the last one I found. I'm washing the covers.

I feel out of practice writing things here...


Sep. 15th, 2013 09:35 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
2 circles. Oops - 3 circles if you count the one underneath. :-)

Need to get to work (make a ring) but of course I am fiddling around with non-necessary things (like posting this picture to LJ) instead. This seems to be one of the rare times I can actually login to LJ. I thought the problem went away after talking to hughesnet last week but it's still there - on and off. Which is frustrating. Yesterday I took care of another frustrating thing - my printer hadn't worked with my laptop wi-fi since we moved back into this house which meant if I needed something for business I needed to carry the laptop out and hook up the usb cable every time I wanted to print something. Anyway the printer totally quit working yesterday so I got a new one (HP officejet 4620) and now everything works perfectly - problem solved. But it took many hours of my day to drive to get the thing and then come home and set it up. I don't know why but sometimes these small problems (like hughesnet or the printer Wi-Fi) seem like I can't face them. I just want to do something with my hands, something simple that doesn't involve talking to people or reading all kinds of fine print and follow directions.

Today my day should be simple (I hope - unless I decide to tackle hughesnet again). Going to make the ring, carry some stuff over from next door and when Sebby gets back in the afternoon we'll set up Yoshi's new cage. Enough.
summersgate: (Default)
I can't comment on posts of my friends and I can't see protected entries, but I can post! So anyway - you know who you are and I am thinking of you and wishing I could read and comment.

It has been very hot here lately - in the 90's yesterday outside and in a brick house without AC that is hot. I had big plans of things I was going to do but ended up laying in bed with the ceiling fan on. I started to watch the Fringe series last night and got Dave involved in watching the pilot with me hoping that he would like it and it would be something we could watch together in the evening. It looks like fun. We started netflix up again this week after turning off deliveries since April. I'm hoping life can get "normal" again with relaxation time in the evening. I would much rather watch Netflix series and movies and documentaries than TV with commercials. We haven't watched any TV shows since June and I don't miss it a bit.

Anyway - time to get back to work. I have a ring that needs made and want to work on the living room floor (ripping off the strips that held down the old carpet) before it gets too hot today.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Tuesday we got a new internet satellite disc and once again I am having problems getting and staying logged into LJ. It seems I can log in long enough to post something (right now) but I can't always see or comment on my friend's protected entries. But sometimes I can. Weird. (Anyway - in reply to jblindsight's escargot begonias - I want one too! But I don't think it would survive with me.) I need to deal with the login problem (call the internet server - that is what I had to do before - and it takes hours to get it resolved) but I just don't want to put the time into it right now so will limp along as best I can for a while I guess.

I got the living room all cleaned up and cleared everything away from the wall yesterday. Gabe helped me with spackling and brushing cobwebs and removing outlet covers. So today I can get right into the ceiling painting. I am going to have a two color room - 2 walls turquoise
/aqua and 2 will be a light tan but this morning I was rethinking - maybe I should do 3 walls one color and one the other - I might paint blocks of color on each wall so I can experience it before I commit to painting the whole wall.


Feb. 20th, 2013 08:52 am
summersgate: (winter)
I see that LJ is finally letting us fix up the new friends feed page with some colors and images. I might start using it instead of my old style. The thing I like about my old style is that it has my links list on it so I can reach all the other stuff I like. The new friends feed page won't give me a links list so I still need to open my own journal page to get that.

Been doing a lot of worrying about my body - my left wrist and my left shoulder. The wrist that I fell on back on the 8th, I have re-decided that I probably did get a hairline fracture - it is healing slowly but still weak. I'm back to wearing the splint if I'm doing anything "powerful" with it. The shoulder - I have had pain in the shoulder for months. Whenever I lift my arm over my head and back (like when you put on a coat) it hurts the worse. But I just figured that it was calcium deposits/arthritis and kept on going with it. After the fall it seemed to get worse and the entire arm was hurting so much it was occupying my mind a lot of the time. Berbella steered me in the direction of looking up rotator cuff tendinitis/shoulder impingement and that really sounds like what it is. The best thing to do is to not use it and not do things that make it hurt (the opposite of what I was doing - I was trying to stretch it and make it move more!) and to take aspirin for the inflammation. Anyway I spent a lot of time in bed yesterday listening to audio books and thinking kind thoughts about my body instead of the fearful and unkind thoughts I had been thinking about it before.


Still winter here - cold and sifting snow today.

What else?

Roswell - got this new neat app that makes photos into etchings

Made 2 dozen pickled eggs the day before yesterday and we (Dave, me and the kids) ate them up very quickly so I made a new batch of 2 dozen last night.

Obsessing about the upcoming move. I love the idea of remodeling and decorating a new space and Dave and I are having lots of conversations about what we want to do over there, which is great. But there is so much OLD STUFF to deal with, go through, sell, give away, throw out! That is the part that I dread. Dread and Hate!!!! I think I have tied all that worry in with my arm and the pain and worry of that and just overwhelmed myself with it. I have to constantly remind myself that it will all be OK and it will get done somehow when the time is right. Today is not the day and when the day comes it will get done.

For today though - I should list something on etsy - been very lax with that lately. And then... art therapy maybe (?) I feel like I need that to help deal with all these other issues - or else make some jewelry - I do have a piece near completion...
summersgate: (eggshells)

Going to clean off my painting table today - I will!!!! It has become a catchall and my laptop business area but I *need* to paint or collage or do something creative - something that I don't know what I will be doing before I do it - something that will evolve.

just now - little bird on a shelf looking in a crystal ball

An annoying thing seems to be happening to my viewing of my LJ - it seems like my pictures are bigger than they used to be and go off the viewing area. I had to change my style just so I can see them in their entirety. They are appearing larger on LJ than I originally make them in photoshop elements. I think I will have to make my pictures smaller for a while. Weird.

*EDIT* - just now discovered the zoom control for the screen. I suspected it had something to do with that but COULD NOT find it. It was hidden under another control - now I have it back out where I can use it again - yay!
summersgate: (eggshells)

My LJ friend Rutabo posted this entry today - I LOVE the work of this photographer and his wife.

More HERE at their website.
summersgate: (Default)
meter on the garage

More caffeine today than usual – my new fancy coffee grinder (that grinds coarse for use in a coffee press) arrived and I had to test it out.

Life seems so boring and dull and awful – I know it’s my attitude that needs adjusting. But I also know there would be many people who would agree that this caregiving life is hard, thankless, claustrophobic and sad. You have to give up hoping and having expectations. Just work your way through each day - you can't plan anything. Live in the moment. I don’t always. I want more from life!!!!! Want, want, want. But when I let go of that then there is enough. Jill didn’t come today and even if she had come I would still be watching grandkids. I long for a life of my own!

I am depressed by the fact that LJ still doesn’t work right for me. I can make my own posts. But after I make a post I can’t edit it (usually). About once a day it might let me stay logged in for a few minutes and I might get to read my friends protected posts (if the whole post is on my friends page). If they are protected and behind a cut I can’t see them at all. The action of going behind a protected cut logs me out again. It all makes me want to give up. If the posts aren’t protected I can comment by logging in as I am making my comment though. I have tried some things to make it right but nothing is working yet. And I have too much other stuff on my mind to make LJ my biggest worry.

More than that I am depressed by the fact that I need to find a certain group of papers for Johnny’s college fund and I can’t find them – my house is a cluttered mess and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I look for about 10 minutes and then feel overwhelmed and hopeless – take a break and then in a while the thought of a new place to look comes to mind and I try again till I’m overwhelmed again. Baa. What I really need to do is a major housecleaning.

Reading “A Walk in the Woods” by Bill Bryson – his story of hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Quite amusing. Back in May when mom got sick and was put on hospice I started to dream of walking the Appalachian Trail. Every day in my mind I was walking the AT, or thinking about how I would outfit myself to walk it. It took me out of reality. Every day in my mind I was outdoors, seeing natural vistas, dealing with just my own problems (the problems of walking and keeping walking, how to camp for the night, how to pack everything I would need) instead of other people's problems, I was losing weight even, getting fit (in my mind!). Pure and simple fantasizing. I bought the book back then and finally am getting around to reading it. I sit by mom’s bedside now and in my mind again I am walking the AT. Dave is with me in this and willing to walk it too – or at least we will walk a smaller National Forest trail someday, somewhere. There are a lot of trails in the Allegheny National Forest. I want to walk the one called, Minister Creek for sure. Here is what the site says about it:

At a mere 7.3 miles in length, Minister Creek Trail (MCT) is really a dayhike. It is included in this guide because it is also a popular one night loop, with two scenic backcountry campsites. It features a scenic mountain stream and a valley ringed with caprock cliffs, massive boulders, and rock formations. This trail is excellent for first-time backpackers. Another option is to set up a base camp and explore the numerous cliffs, boulders, and crevasses off the trail. Minister Creek is one of the most beautiful places in the Allegheny National Forest and should not be missed. This trail is very popular and can be crowded on weekends. The northern section of the trail links with the North Country Trail. Terrain: Cliffs, outcrops, and massive boulders are prevalent along sections of the trail, which is often rocky. The steepest ascent and descent are from Minister Creek Vista to the beginning of the loop, an elevation change of about 300 feet. Trail conditions: Trail is well maintained and blazed. Crosses small streams without bridges. Highlights: Minister Creek Vista, Minister Creek, massive cliffs, outcrops, boulders and crevasses, and scenic campsites.

Sounds good, eh? My dream is for Dave and me to hike it this fall. It would be a good test to see how well I could carry a pack all day.


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