summersgate: (Default)


I found the bottom one on the dining room table early in the morning as I was cleaning it off - yes - I need something to combat the fear. Love others, love myself. Concentrate on love and not fear.

The top one was the fortune I got at the Chinese buffet when Dave and I had lunch there. Seemed apt. I do need to accept this cancer, this heart condition - then I can do something about it. Or find a way to live with it. Find a way to manage it and put it on the sidelines.

The middle one was Dave's from lunch. It seemed to apply too. After eating we were heading over to look at chicken coops at Tractor and Supply. We have decided that we need to continue on as best we can, even unsure of the future. I want chickens, he wants a shed, we both want a driveway. We can pursue those things.

Today looked like a nice day to start but it is getting darker as the day goes on. Will probably rain. It is nearly 70F. I went to OA this morning - that was good. But ever since I got back home all I have wanted to do is be up for short periods and then back to bed. Very unmotivated...

I think posting photos on dreamwidth is much more time consuming than it is on LJ - it's so easy on LJ. Hopefully I have succeeded with this posting but I don't think I will bother with cross-posting from DW in the future - unless I have to.

today

Apr. 14th, 2017 11:06 am
summersgate: (Default)
page from For Today
A reading from For Today that spoke to me.

I'm finding myself to be in a bad mood a lot lately - especially with Andy. No patience with his barking or lunging at the cats. Acknowledging feelings should help to cope with them.

I have the number to call the breast cancer society but don't want to - don't want to talk about that yet - don't want to face it or even learn more right now. Though I know that would be helpful in the long run. I don't feel strong enough. Whenever I start reading about it my heart starts pounding and I feel weak. I am doing the thing where I go back to bed over and over again all day - my go-to mode when I'm stressed out. But now I am thinking it's not just stress alone that makes me do that - it has been this heart condition (RBBB) all along.

Anyway.

Posting this on dreamwidth just to try that out and see if that would work for cross-posting. I found the place that allows me to upload photos. Still not leaving LJ - and probably never will - but I want to learn more about my options.

thursday

Apr. 13th, 2017 07:48 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
4-13-17-tree-life
I see a tree that has been damaged, splitting, cracking apart but still alive and bursting with life. Spring is happening.

I had a headache most of yesterday and felt fuzzy. My tinnitus was extra loud. But in it's own way it was a good day with lots of talking to friends, lots of crying, which was just what I needed. Getting used to life as it is. Hazel drove me to the store for some shopping and carried the groceries in for me. I made progress on the crocheted baby blanket. Watched episodes of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - good silliness. Dave swept off the front porch and back porch and made them nice. He mowed the back yard for the first time this year too. I ate my supper out back at the picnic table. We (Dave and I, Hazel and Rossy) walked Andy down to the creek and threw his ball with the ball thrower in the lower yard. Hazel has got a great throwing arm - I think cause she is so tall - and Andy got a really good work out. He loves to chase the ball.

Tomorrow Johnny and Alison and Chloe and Mike are coming for a visit. Chloe wants me to show her some new hiking trails where she can take her ARC clients. I think we will show her the trail to Rainbow Rocks - it will be a relatively easy walk that her clients can handle. Mike and Dave are going fishing.

It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day today. I have a big pot with a passionflower vine in it. I might have killed it with neglect over the winter but I want to get it planted outside soon - there might still be hope for it. I won't be able to lift it myself but I bet I can get a grandkid to help me. I am not very good with most houseplants, except succulents. I think the passionflower will have better luck outside, even with our winters - they can withstand some freezing.

I have had a dreamwidth account since 2010 but I only use it to back up my LJ now and then and never post there. The last time I backed it up was in 2012 but I am backing it up today. I have a different name there: Summersgate. https://summersgate.dreamwidth.org/ I don't want to leave LJ and don't plan to leave but just in case something happens to LJ I will be covered. I will still be posting my entries on LJ.

ace of cups

Apr. 6th, 2017 07:23 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
4-6-17-ace-of-cups-yellow-b
The ace of cups, beginning of emotion, the start of feeling, the sprouting of compassion, breaking through of love, an offering of heightened affection. My meditation reading this morning was on self-love and I was thinking about how we hear all the time that we have to love ourselves before we can love others. If I can't forgive myself (a person who I know intimately) then how can I expect to forgive others? We all need forgiven together.

I feel like the news I got at the oncologist yesterday was "good news". If a person has to have breast cancer then I've got the best kind. It's small, it can be helped with hormone therapy and so far it appears not to have spread to the lymph glands - they will know more about that after the operation. I'm active and pretty healthy to start with and it might be a good thing that I'm a little overweight - the loss of some breast tissue won't be as noticeable. The operation is this coming Monday. I will have 3 weeks to heal from that before I start the radiation. Radiation will happen 5 days a week (Monday through Friday) for 4 to 6 weeks. Then I will start hormone therapy - taking a pill once a day for 5 years.

~
Something I want to do - start writing my food down as I eat it - just to be more aware. For a while there I lost my appetite and when I did eat I wasn't eating very much but the food I was eating wasn't very good for me - too much sweets and high in fat. I want to make a little book that I can carry with me to keep track of my food. But then I think I will need to make a little crocheted bag to carry it - so now this has become an arts/crafts project too.

I don't understand why everyone is so upset that LJ has asked us to sign a new user agreement. Everywhere you go you have to sign user agreements. And then as years go by you have to re-sign them. Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand what the big problem is. I'm not going anywhere. I wish others weren't. I like to read the people on my friend's list and I don't want to have to go to multiple other places to do that - I won't go to multiple blogging platforms to read - I'm too lazy to do that. I certainly won't go to FB to do my writing - what I like to write about isn't appropriate for that place. Oh well...
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-12-17-maze
Lunch with Nancy [personal profile] kyana today - a long time since I have seen her. Holiday visits and medical stuff and her taking a trip to Washington got in the way.

I was voicing to Nancy not feeling worthy to write on LJ lately - not knowing what to write - who to write it for. But as usual I do came back to the truth for me - which is I write it for myself first of all. And I really do like being a part of this social network. I only skim the surface of facebook - kind of like it is my duty to look at it every once in a while so I can "like" things and be supportive - but my real home is here on LJ.

Trying to teach Andy to "roll over". It is tough on me cause he wants to get involved in holding on to me (biting me) while I turn him over. I do have confidence that he will get it eventually though. It was easier to teach Tenzing that trick cause he was smaller and easier to roll over - Andy is big and lanky.

The creeks and river are very high. So much rain right now.

Hazel went to a club for her very first time tonight with a girlfriend and her mother. It is a LGBT friendly club and sounds like fun. It's called the Cruze Bar in Pittsburgh and they have college night on Thursday nights for kids under 21 who can't drink. My main concern of course is that she is safe. I'm glad the mother of the friend is going too.

I made lentil soup tonight and the vegan folks from next door have just arrived to eat some...

ha!

Jan. 8th, 2017 12:44 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
Done with printing year 2007. I think I will stop there for now. It might be a good early January activity each year to print the journal off from 10 years before. I can really see the changes in our lives in a 10 year time span.

eggshell-2007-printed-pages-1-8-17
Now I need to punch holes in it and find a 3 ring binder...

Though, this is making me think more about what I write and show here - what would I want to re-read in 10 years time? What do I want to see in 10 years time? What would anyone else want to see or read? I am enjoying reading about what happened each day and I like seeing photos of the people in my life - my thoughts about what things mean - the feelings I had as things were happening. I might try to be more mindful of the "10 year vision".

sunday

Jan. 8th, 2017 09:20 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
1-8-17-skye-sleeping-summer-dreaming
I started out drawing a picture of Skye sleeping on the table in front of me but that wasn't going very well cause as she was sleeping she was moving - her head was falling off the edge of the table and the angle of everything was changing. I quit. Then thought maybe I could add something to the drawing and found a tarot card. It was a card of summer and showed roses with twining vines and thorns. So maybe Skye is dreaming of summer. I am. I am suddenly very tired of winter! It has gone on long enough as far as I'm concerned. Maybe that's cause I haven't been getting out in it. Just staying inside a lot. It's 10 F right now but with a wind chill of -4. 10 degrees is when the hair in your nose freezes as you breathe. It looks nice out cause we have a little sun today but the temps don't make me want to go out and walk around that much. Oh well.

I have been enjoying printing off the year 2007 of my LJ journal. As I print I reread and reminisce. In 10 years lots has changed. The grandkids have grown up a lot in 10 years time. Rossy was only 3! It was just after dad's death and we were getting ready to move into mom's house. There were many pictures of mom looking alert and smiling. I see the kind of jewelry I was designing then and it gives me ideas for the future. Kathy and I flew to California to see our cousins and Aunt Rene. It was also the year our art group traveled to New York City. It was the year too that Jules got divorced and he and the grandboys came to live with us. I had the attack of pancreatitis and had my gallbladder removed that year too. Looking at these old memories is a good winter activity.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Gracegiver gave me the idea to collect my LJ into PDF form using the blogbooker.com website and it got me all woken up to wanting to print off my journal again. As I was going through my old writings from 2007 that I had put into a word document, I see that on Jan 28 of 2007 I had just finished printing off 3 binders full of stuff. Here's the entry I made about it. I was also reading that I had run into problems with my printer back then too - just as I am now - I can only print off a page or 2 at a time. I had hoped to print off 25 pages at a time but it won't print all the photos if I do it that way. I may bring the printer into my room so I don't have to keep walking out to the living room to check on it.

I do enjoy reading this old stuff. Not sure who else will ever read it. Maybe someone 50 years from now wanting to know what great (great) Grandma Boden's life was like? Or imagine I am old and have dementia - someone could show it to me and it might connect me with myself again - there might be that.

Interesting to see that some things have changed so much since 2007 and some things have changed so little.

I've got 50 pages printed of year 2007 at this point - might take a break and do some mindless crochet now...
summersgate: (eggshells)
Dear FutureMe,
I am surprised lately by how little I want to write on LJ. It has really dried up for me - something I used to do daily, or many times a day even. I just don't feel the need to let people know what is going on with me. I feel boring. Same old, same old. So I am writing here, to you, instead.

On the verge of contacting M. V. to set up a meeting to finalize the mosaic details and the price - maybe I will make the call later today, after noontime. Though I need to remake the spruce tree one more time (the metallic overglaze I used for the pine cones on the top pieces made them dull and dark) I can still show her what I have so far and get her opinion on it. If I need to remake anything cause she doesn't like it then I can do it at the same time I make the new spruce pieces.

Johnny went back to college yesterday. Funny how just having him here for 2 weeks set up a routine with him and makes me feel like we have an empty nest now.

I'm hoping by next year when you (FutureMe) get this the commissioned mosaic will be a remote thing of the past and I will have moved onto something more original to my own style. I hope next to make some small mosaics - a size that will be easy to ship and then sell them on etsy - I have some ideas for that. Maybe by this time next year I will be deeply involved into that. And I hope the jewelry work will be going strong again with enameling and other original media. And as long as I'm mentioning my hopes - I hope Andy will have learned to walk calmly on the leash. Good luck with that FutureMe. I so hope you and Dave will have triumphed there.

All my best to you,
Mary


~
Maybe it's because I'm not taking very many pictures anymore - maybe that's why I have so little to say. Most of what I write here on LJ is about explaining photos.

Also I want to add another thought I had just now - I really look forward to reading [livejournal.com profile] postsecret on Sunday mornings. If I had to mention a favorite site that would be it.

Edited - later:
I did call the customer and talked to her husband - she will be gone till later in the week but we tentatively set up for me to come to their house next Saturday and I will be able to show them both what I have so far. I feel much better now - he sounds like a nice guy.

hi johnny!

Jun. 30th, 2016 12:28 pm
summersgate: (self portrait a day)
I was just reminded again that my son Johnny reads my LJ. That is rare in the family - I have many more people that I have never met reading then I do family members. As far as I know the only other family who read it are my sister [livejournal.com profile] earthmother45 and her daughter Tracy. I always imagine that someday, when I am dead and gone that family might look at egg-shell just to see who I was. Was there more to me than I presented in daily life? Then they will be surprised at what I wrote here - my worries, interests, concerns and thoughts. "Hey, here's those photos she took all the time but no one ever saw."

Here's a "spad" (Self Portrait A Day) for you Johnny - a photo project I started last year on Nov 1st but I have neglected to do for 2 whole months:
6-30-16-dave-and-andy-too
Andy and your dad too.
summersgate: (eggshells)
I was getting myself convinced that I had nothing to say here. Why share my thoughts? Why update to others on my life? I have my paper journal if I need to check dates on things later. I don't have to take a photo of myself every day. I don't have to write on a prompt everyday. I don't need to say or show anything to anyone. I was starting to wonder how long being silent would go. Evidently not very long. 2 days. Reading some of my favorite LJ people this morning makes me feel like participating again.

Participating. Creating. Sharing. Doing. Being challenged. Lately thinking about how good it would feel to give all that up. It has been building up in me to withdraw. Traditionally March is my worst (most negative) month of the year.

I had my tooth pulled on Tuesday. The experience wasn't as bad as I feared it would be. I didn't fear the actual tooth pulling that much - what I feared was that I was going to have to go toothless (be an old poor hillbilly) for a month while waiting for the bridge to be made. But the dentist made me a quick plastic temporary bridge and it looks good. Looks better than the old crown that was covering the bad tooth before. The old crown was too white and stood out. Now that area of my mouth looks "normal" and everything matches. I'm pleased.

3-2-16-snowy-trail.bnw

Yesterday Jan and I walked 4+ miles at Wilhelm. That was good. Very cold and windy, snowflakes coming in little flurries. The wind pushing us from behind on our way out and in our face coming back. But both of us agreeing it wasn't that bad - it was perfectly good - really, it was pretty great. Crows and seagulls dipping and gliding in the wind. Canada geese gathering in the corn fields. A flock of robins.
summersgate: (eggshells)
can't be sure of anything
don't bet your life on it
anything can happen
anything can be true
anything can be false

~
Every once in a while someone celebrates their anniversary of being on LJ and it's interesting to hear how long some people have been writing here. I just looked it up and I started December 21 of 2005 (10 years now!). Before that I wrote in an old online journal called Dancing with Ghosts which I started in Jan of 2001 - it was affiliated with my original Wood Thrush Studio website and it totally disappeared along with that website. Before it got deleted though I copied and pasted it all onto a word document and printed it out to be put into 3 ring binders so I still have it. I switched over to writing nearly exclusively to LJ in 2006 cause it was so much easier to post here - and easy to add photos. I started to post more photos than writing. [livejournal.com profile] kyana was the one who got me started here and sent me the passcode that you used to need in order to get an account. Rural Rob was one of the first people I started following.

Sometimes I struggle with how much and what to put here - how honest to be, how revealing to be, what to show. I can't be sure if what I am doing is right, correct, kind enough, happy enough, self assured enough, or veiled enough. This was the very first thing I put online back in the days of Dancing with Ghosts:

I-can't-figure-out

I still can't be sure about myself.

thursday

Sep. 17th, 2015 02:09 pm
summersgate: (eggshells)
2172-G21-hand3x2
"Gem 21" earrings - sterling and orange CZ Listing HERE

I've been doing pretty good with listing something most everyday. That is my goal and I'm always grateful when I complete it.

This morning Dave had to do some banking at a bank in Clintonville so I went with him and on the way back we ate lunch at the Chinese buffet in Franklin. This was the first time ever I didn't eat everything on my plate. I do try to eat all that I take - I think it is an insult to them to waste their food so I felt a little bad. I just couldn't do it though - ran out of appetite before I finished even one plate - which is a good thing. Wish I ate that little more often. Then we came home and Dave cleaned the vent pipe of the drier. It had a dead mouse in it. I felt sorry for it, even though it was dry and petrified at this point. I suppose the hot air going past it for the last week or so did that.

Last night I played The Neverending Story for the grandkids. Even though they are probably too old for it now (except Rossy) I thought it was something they should see. Our kids loved that movie back in the day and I'm sure it helped shape them. Dave and I enjoyed it too - even though we have seen it so many times now. Dave and I are on a run of watching old Spencer Tracy movies. We watched Inherit the Wind the other night and last night we started Judgment at Nuremberg.

I like how some people on LJ give nicknames to the people in their lives and have wondered what I would call my people. I might call Dave, Gary Cooper, or The Woodsman, or LongSlowStepper. Sometimes I think I would like to start a whole new LJ and make everything in code and be more honest and revealing. I actually do have another LJ like that but I never write in it so there you go. I do try to be as honest as possible here on this one and going that one step farther in the other one doesn't seem that necessary I guess.

Still haven't broken the stone out of the bracelet I showed yesterday. Ghagh. Maybe right now is another opportunity that I should tug at it - I have 20 minutes till I need to pick the kids up from school.

sunday

May. 31st, 2015 10:32 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
Still reading my friend’s list but not posting much lately. I did write a 7-7-1-1 on Friday about my day but it started raining that night. My computer lost contact with the internet and it all disappeared - I didn’t have the energy or desire to rewrite it.

It’s raining really hard right now so I am writing this on a word document to protect it.

A man walking on the road out front – a newspaper held over his head. Getting splashed by the cars zooming by. Dave and his brother Bruce went fishing – took the boat. I bet they are getting drenched.

Listening to a shuffle of all my Dylan songs today. His gravelly old voice from the Tempest album playing beside me at the moment.

Sold 2 more pendants this weekend and will be getting them ready to ship – as soon as the storm passes I can print the shipping labels. I am surprised I have any business at all on etsy anymore since I haven’t put anything new on there for quite a while. I have been very lazy with making new jewelry. My days seem to be filled with biking, walking, basement organization, sitting on the back porch, reading (Harry Potter still) and watching netflix with Dave. Not taking many pictures.

Saw the groundhog out back a while ago. When I went out to scare him (her?) away from my flowers he ran under the porch. I have removed all the mothballs and the smell finally went away from the house so I don’t want to risk putting mothballs back under there again as a way to get rid of him. Hmm – there seems to be an ultrasonic device on amazon to deter varmints for under $40 or a spray that doesn’t smell bad to humans for under $30. Might try the spray.

Plans for my day: basement – I set up another bookshelf on Friday. I am still sorting books – slow work and I end up moving them around frequently when I find this or that section doesn’t fit where I first thought it would. It’s getting confusing. Being able to listen to music really helps to get me motivated to go down there.
summersgate: (eggshells)
Day 29. What is something you wish you had done?
Paid more attention to my life and been present every moment possible.

Day 30. What are some of your favorite blogs?
Basically I enjoy reading my LJ friends page. I find my news there, interesting things to look up and study, personal drama, jokes, and photos I admire. I don't read any other blogs really. I do check into facebook every once in a while and every time I do I get annoyed at all the stupid stuff I have to skim through.
summersgate: (eggshells)
It stinks. They made it like Facebook. You only get to see part of a picture, and part of the story till you click on it and have to go to a new page to see the whole thing. I hate it.

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