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Apr. 12th, 2017 09:23 am
summersgate: (eggshells)
4-12-17-helpless-and-hurtin
Helpless and hurting. Another period of waiting now to see what the biopsy of the lymph gland says. They have put chemotherapy back on the table as something that might happen. I originally thought it was very unlikely, now they say it might be a possibility. I don't think "they" tell the whole truth - they don't want to alarm you ahead of time if they don't have to - it's on a need to know basis. I feel so dumb. As a complication after the surgery (which itself went well) I had an episode of very low heart rate (44 beats per minute) and felt deathly ill, dizzy and sick. They kept me at the hospital overnight. Now I will be wearing a heart monitor for the next month - more stuff hanging from my hurting chest. I have a thing called Right Bundle Branch Block (RBBB) in my heart - which they tell me isn't that bad in itself and there is nothing they can do about it. That's why I feel dumb - I don't really understand why I need to have the heart monitor. But then maybe this is one of these things that is bad - and I will find out how bad later. They just don't want to alarm me yet. But I am alarmed.

I wish I could cry - I'm crying inside but it doesn't make its way outside. Have to be brave, be stoic, don't worry others, don't let others feel sorry for you, make a joke, feel the pain, horror, sadness, grief, fear only for a moment then stuff it back inside.

But the good thing is:
I am allowed to walk all I want. Biking isn't allowed for quite a while but walking is a good exercise. I won't be able to wear my big pack with all the stuff I like to carry in case of emergency on hikes - will need to travel light instead. Actually Candy says she will carry my pack for me if I want - so there.
Can't drive for about a week, no heavy lifting (grocery bags, cat litter or dog food bags) for 2 or 3 weeks, no vacuuming (yay!), no window washing (...as if I would want to), or heavy use of that arm. It is my left arm that is involved so that is good - I should be okay for jewelry work cause I am right handed. I should rest as much as possible - time for healing now. Make the most of that - take it easy.
summersgate: (Default)

Rossy holding a candle
"Rossy holding a candle" on Google Video
grandson Roswell


I wanted to try another video post - to see if I could get it smaller and then it wouldn't look like such bad quality. I like the look of the google service much better than YouTube. It comes out in the size it was meant to be seen in. (Thanks, Nancy, for showing one on your page first - as you do break ground in so many new ways!)

Roswell just melts my heart. I can't get enough of looking at him.

~

Other things on my mind.

My problem so often is I feel like I HAVE to do ___ (this or that) and I just don't have the energy for it - so I feel overwhelmed and depressed. Why can't I just relax and rest till I do have the energy? I must remind myself all the time that it is OK to rest and not be "productive" all the time.

~

I took Chloe to Dan's house but on the way there we drove over to the cliffs overlooking the east of Franklin. The ice stalactites are incredible still even with all the melting that has been going on with the warmer weather. Chloe for a project in school is supposed to photograph "water". So she took a bunch of photos of the ice. I can't wait for her to get home later so I can get some of her photos from her and post them here. I was so proud of her as she turned herself into a serious photographer there beside the road, crouching down or getting closer to her subject, turning this way or that. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her taking the pictures!

~

Going to relax now and watch some netflix movies that I want to get returned on Monday. No work today (unless I want to - no forcing myself! Yes...
summersgate: (Default)

Rossy holding a candle
"Rossy holding a candle" on Google Video
grandson Roswell


I wanted to try another video post - to see if I could get it smaller and then it wouldn't look like such bad quality. I like the look of the google service much better than YouTube. It comes out in the size it was meant to be seen in. (Thanks, Nancy, for showing one on your page first - as you do break ground in so many new ways!)

Roswell just melts my heart. I can't get enough of looking at him.

~

Other things on my mind.

My problem so often is I feel like I HAVE to do ___ (this or that) and I just don't have the energy for it - so I feel overwhelmed and depressed. Why can't I just relax and rest till I do have the energy? I must remind myself all the time that it is OK to rest and not be "productive" all the time.

~

I took Chloe to Dan's house but on the way there we drove over to the cliffs overlooking the east of Franklin. The ice stalactites are incredible still even with all the melting that has been going on with the warmer weather. Chloe for a project in school is supposed to photograph "water". So she took a bunch of photos of the ice. I can't wait for her to get home later so I can get some of her photos from her and post them here. I was so proud of her as she turned herself into a serious photographer there beside the road, crouching down or getting closer to her subject, turning this way or that. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her taking the pictures!

~

Going to relax now and watch some netflix movies that I want to get returned on Monday. No work today (unless I want to - no forcing myself! Yes...

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